he cast discriminating glances

when he wrote it and said it out loud it made him laugh
he uttered Thats preposterous

Is it  he countered Youll rememberIm sure the brouhaha you made of that sustained glance at college housing

I do

Brouhaha You fought it

I did However not on the grounds that I didnt think the thing existedI knew what they were getting at you had to be thick if you couldnt follow their reasoningridiculous as they may have been to try and qualify it My objection . .
. . Youre vehement objection

I wasnt that bad

Think Recall the room Recall that management had the chairs up set in it in a ring so everyone could see everyone else  not the usual rows of chairs descending from the lectern from where they addressed you

I dont have to recall  Youre me

Then you know you were vehement

I was exercised I . . 
. . You exercised the hell out of that management team

They were being obtusethe setup was outlandish Sign a legallybinding jobthreatening document that you would notwould not   what was it . . 
. . Participate

Yes Participate Asif it was a group thingparticipation

But you understood what they were getting atthe underlying undergirding  And yet you admit in writing saying aloud youre able to cast a discriminating glance

I had a discriminating glance then                                                                                                      

You did  yet despite thatat the risk of losing your job you fought them on their premise of a sustained glance

We fought it because management wanted employees to sign and attest that we knew exactly what it was despite them offering no definition in the text A sustained glance  And they insisted theyd know it when they saw it Purely subjective Utterly inane And they could fire an employee for it if accused or if management witnessed the act of a sustained glanceChrist

Not many men were employed You were the only man in the officethe others were groundsmen or physical plant maintenance men The majority employed were women  They signed it quickly  Without a chirp

The men signed it too  without a chirp

You chirped

I signed it

You signed it because they said if you didnt that was grounds to fire you  What did they . .
. . Now youre the funny guy They called it insubordination  Ive never been not to that countrythat nation

Funny So you signed it and beneath your signature in big block letters you printed UNDER DURESS

Yes  That was inspired  I dont remember where that came from do you

Do we  I dont Though we were inspired 

We were fuming

We were fuming

I wish I knew or remembered where it came from It was like a burning bullet point

It was like a fucking Burning Bush commandment

Christ it was  It was illuminating

And they said You can’t submit that. You can’t write that you’re under duress.

They threatened my job Thats duress

Brilliant

Yes Though we cant take credit for it

No We must have read it somewhere

Yathink

he laughed 

and he laughed

and they laughed together mirthfully

a discriminating glance

it was a practised glancehed been practicing it since he was a young boy  glancing up over the top of his science fiction novel as he walked 

his glances acquired and distilled more information than when he looked hard at something or at something for a long time 

looking hard bored his eye
                           and often a singular aspect one detail in his field of vision attracted his eyedominated it  and languishing on it he despysed everything else

the distillate a flash point coalesced and screamed and streamed its cognitive information across his nervous muscular and skeletal systems and when it began to subside he glanced again took another pic

some people have a remarkable sense of smellsense of tastehearing some were sensual mages adepts adroit habile savants
        he had to trip through a thicket of nouns and adjectives-fashioned-into-nouns to recall savant 

senses practised

senses honed

a discriminating glance        

texted  :  1345,  Thursday,  5  10. 18

1234,  Friday,  5  10. 18

Fela Kuti  Mr. Follow Follow  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsToGea4MWI

it was a game he liked to play

he thought he only liked playing it when he was able to sit down with a book and opening it randomly write down whatever words or sentence his eyes fell on

Burroughs taught him the game

                                  cut–ups  

and Burroughs was taught the technique by Brion Gysin who he befriended in Tangier Gysin wasnt from Tangierhe wasnt Tangierian though mebbe Tangerine  some people remind us of fruit Ohgo on Pearshaped he had buddies who cravedadorned pearshaped women  To each his own

he digressed

although he paid attention to his digressions

they were marker posts Frosts The Roads Not Taken I took the one less traveled  it didnt matter if he got "lost" people he eventually met knew where they were so he wasnt ever really lost

when digressing he wasnt discreet

not secretiveno

                and there was nothing either he gained being discrete  he was purposefully loud bumbledwas willful to draw attention to himself so he could learn where he had come down
like a childs toy colouredballoon   

being discrete wouldnt teach him a thing  and as curious as he was he was anxious no anxiety to learn where he waswhere he found himself even if he hadnt meant to be there

the game taught him that

then it was obvious hed waonder if he could change up the game  see if he could improvise stoke its randomness

whenever he walked anywhere he carried a cloth bag slung over his shoulder on its two cloth handles inside it was paper pens and usually three or four books three or four books if he wasnt out for groceries he jumped between them as someone else might otherwise sit on a couch and channelsurf episode over   next

his next was walking and making unrecorded cut-ups 

the first several were unremarkable unmemorable 

then he read Your dreams will not save you from the sun. followed by The Monument, the black monolith, I am standing at Trinity Site.

some sun

           vaporises a human being but not before etching their shadow on stone

and lifting his eyesnever his head  crossing a street he saw on the sidewalk ahead of him a young man walking towards him the young man was hedging to the curb people would have to walk inside him Sorry buddy he thought then making the sidewalkcoming off the crosswalk he took the curb and acted asif he was reading again appearing oblivious  however he was shaken that his dreams wouldnt cast shade and save him from Trinitys annihilation

the young man recognised the older man had taken the curbrecognised that he left him too much room that the old man had taken the space between him and the curb he relented  although he didnt drift to the middle of the sidewalk and rather would conspicuously pass just off the older mans shoulder

he saw that the young man was perchedthere was no other word for it he was perched forward his upper body seeming dislocated from his hips and legs leaning seeming ready to break into a run a run that would appear erraticperhaps spastic asif he was a built cardboard puzzle whose pieces were illfitting hungloose and his symmetry warped and turned 

the young man was going to avoid his eyes as sometimes particular women did nervously 

it wasnt that they were avoiding his glancehis nod they cast their eyes down they avoided everyones eyes  something had happened they were unsettled uncomfortable afraid  ashamed  they were roads he wouldnt take not because he didnt want to but because those women wouldnt want him to perturbed  he honored their discomfort

the young mans right shoulder hung forwardnearly under his jaw

his big shapeshifting darkgreen cotton polo had some emblem on its left breast he couldnt make it out  everything wanted to advertise itself

the young man wore long black baggy athletic shorts they ran beneath his knees 

given his perch  his shoulderhis right leg lead his egress seemed to be a sideways stride  like a suspicious crab  encouraged not to go forward but escape preferring right but escapeno matter  or even to momentarily rear and cower from a defensive position on his back that easily would be ruined rather than escaping 

he could snap him up off his back by his weak arm  hidden in the shapeless sleeve  and throw him over onto his face

No he thought
               the young man didnt acknowledge his nod they passed inches apart anif someone from inside a car on the street looked they might have thought the two were going to run haplessly into each other 

the young man his head down

the man reading a book                     

texted : 1414,  Twosday,  2  10. 18

1230,  Thursday,  4  10. 18

Fela Kuti  Yellow Fever  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIRXNA3Eofs

as he sipped beef bone broth like a breakfast tea he thought it was poetic he listened to a Mingus piece Peggy’s Blue Skylight  lost for forty years  

it was discovered in Detroit
                            ahDetroit  he knew a few guysclowns who referred to it as Detriot  they liked to finger the city for its ’67 riots  You can always count on those people burning things down, destroying property.  

Those people you understand why they were protesting

Protesting? Rioting. Those people‘ll riot about anything.   

You fuckin idiots  The black citizenry . . 

. . Citizenry? . .

. . Yahcitizenry Shaddup an listen  They were protesting police brutality  As Philly did in ’64  They protested police brutality 

he almost mind you he thought almost almost wondered if they were still alive

if they were what might they think of Black Lives Matterwhat might they think of black boys and men being shot to death by frightened cops ah one wannabe cop  cops who can kill if they feel threatened  threatened by unarmed black men  a black man being a black man was a threat kill if you feel threatened great cop mantra  the wannabe had Stand Your Ground  and balls really had to be twisted by a ferocious public outcry to force any kind of questioning of wrongdoing or accountability  

black people arent protesting anything new  

theyre protesting a continuity that has come down since before the signing of the Constitution  the three-fifths slave vote for white votes  the Thirteenth Amendment struck that down the threefifths and freed all enslaved people the Fourteenth provided them full citizenship yahright the Fifteenth granted black men the right to vote yahright  then those inked pagesthose amendments were renegedquietly withheld when Reconstruction went south 

their ignorance had breathtaking depth and breadth  then however he always came around at the end of his argument and allowed them their ignorant bliss 

there was no reasonreally to remember those guys 

though his memory was shaken up last night watching Spike Lees Bamboozled

a couple of themtheir fathers had lawn jockeys in their backyards he had plastic flamingoeshe bought them  they thought his flamingoes were queerer than their fathers lawn jockeys

crazy how memories return

                           and this on top of him currently reading a book by Benjamin Alire Saenz The Book Of What Remains where in his prologue he cites the writer Jonah Lehrer Proust Was a Neuroscientist who wrote that every time we enter a memory we change it 

our memory is not true  

he wouldnt go so far as to call his memory a lie

he had a spooky long memory

he couldnt say how many times his parents asked him when he shared what he rememberedwanting to be sure that what he thought had happened did in fact and it was a memory  not fictionnot something he was making up  he was sympathetic  he was a storyteller  and theyd ask Why would you remember that? You werent even three then.

they were startled

he laughed You realise youre my checkdownmy witnesses I come to you to verify that my memory is correct I dont want to lie 

he didntcouldnt and wouldnt suffer liars and malecontents  not a misspelling 

1003,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  3  10.18

https://www.thewire.co.uk/news/52597/long-lost-charles-mingus-tapes

when your character craves and demands notoriety

                                                      you get what you deserve

The New York Times came swingin in like Tarzan on a jungle vine  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kX7OmK8I-v0

1751,  Twosday,  2  10. 18 

sitting in the back of a cab he talked with his brother on his cell

his brother was incensed that Trump had been impeached

his brother typically  politically by his measure had his head up his ass  but he was a good Republican like hed been a good soldier  they told him to jump he cried How high? Republicans take their marching orders from the top down  a resolute authoritarian bend-over-an-take-it-in-the-ass structure  for the Party  for God  for Country

he had trouble with its descending priorities 

Countryshabbily  often came fourth behind Family  some Holier-Than-Thou yokelswho he detest held God Family Party then Country hed be damned if God had shit to say about his American life and freedoms if anything could militarise him Vietnam didnt God could Country might if the threat were existential but since World War Two there had been no existential threats money opportunitiesyes  Imperialist idiots neocons who because they could thought they would but didnt and failed famously they goatfucked the countrythe world they victimised tenthousandfold fiftythousandfold people to one September Eleventh death        

people milled about on the streets  

they were enthused irate they barked at one anotherlunged and shoved  they were trying to form up sides to get out of the midst of a group that didnt think as they did some physically clasping their mouths shut with their hands so not to betray themselves as they were surrounded by the oppositions clutches  

the throngs inhibited traffic

mired the cabs progress   

he was rethinking the cabthinking he might be better served to walk now his destination was maybe six miles off hed probably make better time walking

while talking thinking he was oblivious to the driver he railed at his kid brother and the inane spite he had for the Democrat majority who finally moved Trump along returned him to private lifehis private deprivations and a myriad of lawsuits that spun like farflung satellites lives of their own orbiting him and his business interests  likely to spin in space even after he croaked to his historic shame not that Trump knew shame

the cabdriver slammed on his brakes  nearly rocked him off his seat Get the fuck out of my cab! he howled  

the cabbie blindly swung his door open and banged people beside it Out of my way! You! Get the fuck out of my cab!

Got to go brother he said into his cell You dont like the turn of events suck an exhaust pipe just like Im gonna suggest to this miserable driver

he didnt bother to reach for the door the cabdriver yanked it open almost striking other people OUT MUTHAFUCKER!

before getting out he eyed the faredug into his pocketcounted out some bills and getting out he stared into the irate drivers bulging eyes and dropped the money on the street  Were even bub

FUCK YOU!

he expected nothing more it was the extent of expression he expected from most of Trumps kowtowing legion a huckster a celebrity somehow he was confused by his supporters to have intellect reason Trump knew what Trump knewwhat he likedwhat he wanted he wasnt the kind of man who thought beyond that he was wretchedly ignorant  an unfortunate lighthouse beacon of ignorance

he didnt bother to look to see if the driver bent over to pick up the cash

he wished he had the correct change but he hated the weight of coin in this pocketagainst his thigh 

why he thought to take the cab despite the twenty milesdespite knowing the vote was imminent baffled him

now he was in the heart of the city  its beating mulling mewling heart 

seemed people came out of their office buildings set their day aside for this remarkable moment and sought to side up 

he didnt have a side

all he wanted was the amoral racist out of office 

Democracy showed him the door

Trump could double downhe could run in ’20why not it was the cut of this cloth  though hopefully not the fabric of the nation

he sidestepped screaming congregationssidestepped shoving matchessidestepped vulgar sniping and not five minutes on foot while passing through a youthful gathering of students across from what appeared a downtown annex of a university or college a young woman grabbed his hand from behind she almost startled him  he wasnt conscious that he walked swinging his arms not his usual   

no  he wasnt startled that she took his hand  he was confused bemused curious  Eh 

she was lithe a ginger had an intelligent face wideset green eyes what was with the red hair green eyes freckles the warm fascinating expression                       

Would you care for a celebratory roll? she asked

whaddafuck Im not interested
Everyone’s interested.

she had a point

Okay Then no thank you

she continued holding his hand like a lost kitten  stroking it as they walked and wound they way through the agitated crowd

he looked over his shoulder his arm held back  he looked into her face  she implored him with her eyesconceding her words wouldnt convince him 

she made one hell of an argument

dreamed  texted : 1550,  Monday,  1  10. 18
1201,  Twosday,  2  10. 18
839 days remaining or less

the beast was backshe visited him in his dreams

                                               Ohyea this girl eminently tickled his sleeping fancy 

his mind reeled as he remembered the dream although its memory was easily facilitated by his imagination and by a whisky at hand beside his mornings black coffee

she had acquired beast-status he thoughtfully aligned her with the first beast he was ever introduced to through his father-in-law in the last century

relaxing in Santa Barbara beside the pool his father-in-law came out of the house and asked him if hed like to come with him so he could make a small bank transaction

his father-in-law smirked  You won’t regret coming with me. 

his brain was an ember easily fanned and conflagrated  the suggestion was too tantalising to pass up    

She’s a beast. he said.  

he had utmost confidence in his father-in-laws definition

they exhibited negligible variance that summer while in Anchorage ostensibly for fishing salmon on the Kenai  their ratings went tit-for-tat in regards to their admiration their keenly-ascribed values of the girls who danced at The Alaskan Bush Company where they went for drinks at his encouragement for their masculine entertainment

Ronda  A nice Americanised namehuh? she said  a small-titted Western Airlines flight attendant had recommended The Bird House and The Bush Company a few years back  she demonstrated how a small titted curlyhaired Persian girl could make up for having less breast and cleavage than other women 

he was impressed

inadvertently  to Rondas dismay  she also introduced him to his to-be-wife

Ronda hit the spotshe was also spot-on with her genuine assessment of Anchorages premiere strip club she told him her father had mentioned it to her in passing and she couldnt help herself to see if his taste in women correlated with what she understood about him 

she was a bastard but never a bastard for want  or her halfsisters

she was curious she admitted her father had a pronounced tacky side A sleaze she said  he was also an easy touch 

so on layover in Anchorage she went to see for herself to gauge his farflung tastes

she was impressed

he was accurate Tried and true she said telling him so defending herself  because her father greased every relationship he ever had with a woman with money  money from a trust fun that sustained him and herher halfsisters  A trust fun, he called it. FUN; not fund. Ever since he turned legal age. Can you imagine? His life someone has to do it he remarked was all about fun to be had. Year after year after year.

she admitted he was generous 

she didnt bite the hand that fed her 

though she did slap it on occasion       

he couldnt help but lay his eyes onconfirm his father-in-laws beast who he had happened to stumble upon when researching new banks 

she was a teller at Bank of America  

She’s probably the only reason why I took my business there. Sex sells, boy.

in fact his father-in-law wasnt errant she was a beast

                                                          and any beast he assigned beasthood had to meet his memory of her beastliness Ivanka he remembered wondering that he didnt think bank tellers were allowed to wear either low cut tops or dresses or tight-around-the-fanny skirts  but maybejust maybe corporate exceptions were made for women who could maybe an undisclosed pay differential to boot

Ivanka she was a beast

Ivanka though had nothing on his dreamed beast

she sat in the back of a buckboard wagon with the immense blue Western sky behind her

her blonde head was haloed by the sun

it was hot

she picked up a wooden bucket from the buckboard that he couldnt see and dumped it over her head

silverwhite rockets riven with sunlight and prism splayed off her head and shoulders

she caught him looking at her out of the corner of her eye

she smiled like a ravenous wolf

she turned slightly towards himstripped her doused white cotton blouse over her head and sat halfnaked  erect  and proud

leaning over the edge of the buckboardgrowing three times the size of o normal womannot that she was normal to begin with probably six feet she picked him up off his feet like a Cyclops and clutched him to her enormous breasts 

if he had a sheep to hide beneath he wouldnt have

if she was going to eat him alive hed have no remorse

then in her armsclutched to her breasts she transitioned staccato inch by inch and returned to her actual self and size

the eating and licking that was was had on equal terms

he couldnt match her beastliness

                                   he could only be grateful and gracious she shared herself with him

2000, mid-September, 2018

1634,  Monday,  1  10. 18