he was reading a book The Faithful Executioner of the walled-in free city of Nuremberg which was renown during the Middle Ages as the bastion of Law and Order 

however in a seemingly queer addenduman aside  it posed “fear and anxiety are woven into the very fabric of human existence”

the words conflicted him

he decided that the “fear and anxiety” the author referred to were meant to pertain to the historic Middle Ages he was writing of

           because if the writer were positing “fear and anxiety” to this current time  he didnt get the memo  not did he subscribe to the malevolent notion of fear or anxiety

                                                      to be sure he was white  he was male he understood the base entitlement those involuntary aspects provided him  however it wasnt something he blindly assumed he liked making his own way through the morass and mayhem of modern American Exceptionalism there was nothing he loved more than calling outmaking some Whitey toe the line it astonished him that the preposterous Luck to be born who one was made them better than another person

talk about scifi

talk about delusion

talk about cocksuckers

“fear and anxiety woven into the very fabric of human existence”

he felt terrible for those who let fear or anxiety subsume themlet themselves be played by others others who also unremarkably put their pants on one leg at a time and buttoned their buttons one by one exactly as they did

people will treat you as you allow them to treat you

he was partial to taking scalps which included the uppermost of their ears

                                                                              utterly disfiguring

as was their intent

DO unto others as they will do unto you  Luke 6:31 The fuckin Golden Rule

hed choke them with their Body of Christ their sips Blood of Christ

he wasnt a consumer

he liked the convenience of their heady Consumption

1805, Day-between-Two-Ts,  27  6. 18

1554,  Sunday,  19  8. 18

this was going nowhere fast

out the gate everyone was sensitiveso fucking sensitive

he didnt ask the reason whythat was personal

he asked why they chose its location

he meant it sincerely  frankly

                                he was eminently curious

their reactions however seemed tantamount to criminality why would he want to know

Please Im just asking

if looks could kill hed be dead 

they were icy repugnant

                           as if he blindsided them stopped them to ask if they wouldnt mind watching him shit on the street

angry  

one cat had a small poorlyexecuted multicoloured bullseye tatted on the heft of his cheekbone  left of his left eye

muthafucker actually snarled as he walked up on him  a grubby weighted knapsack clutched over his right shoulder

why snarl at him  he was standing leaning with his back to the flat of a structural steel post  Christ he was reading a book

he was aware someone was approaching him from his right  though he scarcely lifted his eyes  unconcerned of any threat

his snarl suggested possession  or territory   and fuckhim  homeless owns nothing  not territory not a corner not the post he leaned against

he took paroxysmal offense

it got the best of him

manhandled his tongue

                         Hey man whyd you plant that tattoo on your cheek

Fuck you

good

      they were coming from the same place

No  Im curious is all  

Fuckin leave me alone

Leave you alone Whens the next time youll talk with someone who isnt homeless or would prefer to duck you  You have my undivided attention

Fuck you

Its on you I was reading a book You snarledyou took offense of my eyecontact

You dont ever look at me

Dont look at you  You outa your mind Ill look anydamnwhere I want  Say buddy whats with the tat  Why your cheek

Dont fuck with meman

Throwin a gauntlet down yawanna fuck with me

Squirrelly cut hard right  space grew between them  

Good Not as nutsy as he thought

still however there was no satisfaction to understand why he chose to have his cheek dotted

                                                                                                   not like it was a teardrop at the corner of his eye

                         for whatever that meant

his casual impromptu canvassing left him to surmise what he assumed  to each his own  

and they were fucking touchy about it

1536,  Friday,  17  8. 18

1154,  Sunday,  19  8. 18

his daughter recommended Into the Badlands so why wouldnt he drop in

a slaughter an execution on a dusty roadside 

whats with closing the eyes of the dead?

                                                               

                                           the protagonist turns over a young boy  his throats been cut his eyes are opaque  staring blindly   perhaps on the horrorthe veil fitted over them is a trace of whoever leered over him relished cutting his throat  the boy was helplessly his arms bound behind him   

the protagonist pauses  then from his squat he reaches down to the boys face and closes his eyes 

the murdered the defiled cant see 

it seems whoever discovers the dead is dutybound somehow  to provide them one final comfort  the comfort of not having ants or flies crawl over their withering eyeballs

no matter  the maggots are coming  the reclamation has begun  

he knew the dead are beyond caring

turn off a television its only a matter of time before the heat runs out of it and it is as cool as a cucumber and useless until the next broadcast

                          when would the soul of the murdered be broadcast again

                                                                        theres slim hope it can be reborn reanimated into a mature vessel that might provide them their revenge their retribution or worse nigglingly  aware

but fearful and without any intentions of facing down or ambushing their murderer seeing them in their third eye the horrorveil they were impressed upon  they know  however cowardly they shut it down turnoff the broadcast  

                                                                                                                                                                                                                and hide

1438,  Saturday,  18  8. 18

1020,  Sunday,  19  8. 18

This Is Where You End (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YzgflO2Y08&index=2&list=PL8a8cutYP7fpRLkVjP_6gTbc0vCajiwIS )

he listened to Youtube though rarely watched it

one thing he loved about it was beginning a recordinggiving it a head start  then chasing it with itself on a second opened Youtube or overlaying its music with selections he thought might play well together
sync nicely

he chased This Is Where You End with itself randomly several times and wasnt disappointed then he ran She Came In Heavy by Bad Liquor Pond (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9M9_id9J6yE) for 54 seconds and then played This Is Where You End over it they synched well too 

                                                  he surmised it was dumb luck and was more than happy to take it over any presumption of skill

he had a keen appreciation of randumb

                                         he dismounted moving cars(because their drivers didnt STOP when he demanded) to seek to affect attractive women to attend parties hed be at that evening and thought they might really enjoy themselves let their hair down 

whomever was most forthcoming he took them by their arm and wrote on their forearm the address where the party was being held

inevitably the addressee showedhe was distinctly assured  and then more often than he anticipated their friends also

                       

to be fair  he subtly calculated that their mutual outgoingness their welcoming him would provide them some leeway or leverage among their shyer friends to attend  after all not often did a guy jump out of a moving car and made an invitation no strings attached  he thanked them then ran back to the idling car or started up the street unconcerned if the car had either gone around the block or he had walk home

whenever he set outusually without conscience into his day  suddenly when recalling he was going to a gathering that evening there was no randumbness that was too dumb in order to bring fresh blood into the mix

after several parties that turned outrageous by his cajoling talk among his friendlieshis cohorts were that he was becoming a procurer singlehandedly 

they said that at his back   

he wasnt unaware

had they stuck it in his face he would have disagreed  Man Im just looking to have fun and have fun with people who also want to have fun

if he was anything singlehanded he was a frolicking barrel of monkeys the more queens the better Waitasecond female monkeys are female monkeys they’re undomesticated  undomesticated animals are conferred female whatever-they-are  You can’t call them Queens as if they were female cats to their Tom counterparts Fuckyou Theyre queens if I say so  theyre royalty theyre bitches If they didnt come you wouldnt hang long I didnt coerce anyone All I did was extend an invitation The ball was in their court

                        which probably explained the impromptu skinnydipping the dart game where the first bullseye prompted another hit of purepowdered THC he threw firstBULLSEYE!  or Sandi who put her boyfriend through medschool on several serving jobs who dropped her when he graduated whose funk levied fearsome blowjobs to catchup on lost time he caught up with her on an unlit street corner and enjoyed her mouth  later he met up with her to return the favor  and whatever fucks name washe didnt rememberhe didnt like him when Sandi first introduced him Youre due better than him baby he oops!ran into him at a party his parents threw at an upscale Miami hotel to celebrate his graduation and in a bathroom off the ballroom he beat him senseless forced him to begin his residency several months late Yeah he cheapshot himyeah hit him from behind slammed his face into the tile above the urinal but he was cocksure Sandi wouldnt retaliate  her heart was broken  she was broken she was no Sandi wouldnt Sandi wouldnt ask but defilement urged retribution he redistributed as course  what goes around comes around  cliché ofcourse but it was within his purview to make it happen and he was without qualms nobody could sketch a qualm nobody then could finger him for having one

he never heard if Sandi heard

that wasnt the point

that said he left Miami by months end

a chapter closed

he was off to be a mountain man in Montana

This Is Where You End

                        as yet he hadnt a whiff of Ending

0004,  Friday,  17  8. 18

1312,  Saturday, 18  8. 18

that was something he hadnt seen before

curious too that it came on the heels of a friend who was roofied  maliciouslyroofied  Are youre fucking kidding me You were Rohypnolhypnotised 

Iwa  I was what?                                                                                                                           

Rohypnolhypnotised 

Got nothing.

Hypnotised 

The drugs called Rohypnol  Roofie

Christ. You just can’t say Roofie?  So easy.

Evidently easy like you huh  it dropped him on his kissersmashed his nose  Yaknow you were probably doped for no other reason than to watch you drop They probably filmed you on their cellfone an youre starring in some dark corner of the internet right nowpeople bustin a gut at you going senselessdropping  Jackass on steroids takencatapulted to a whole new level You know people dig other peoples pain gives them a good laugh Were asinine were ambulance chasers gawkers love the sightlove it blood bent and tortured limbs as long as theyre not ours

That’s cruel, man.

Thats where we liveno denying it  People are twisted

he  was  fascinated

                      watching something he had never seen before                                                                         

the actors in his play

one older guy

a middleaged gal who thinks dressing younger would fool people make her appear younger than she was

the fellas beyond caring either regarding himself or her probably satisfied with baseline affection  

they were talking at the bar  seated side by side  

she was turned towards him  sometimes emphatically leaning

he was noncommittal  he sat straight ahead knees to the bar  turned his head

not a good look from where he sat

an odd  curious  juxtaposition

she was trying

he apparently didnt mind being tried

he had her at the very least by ten years

out the side of his face he looked boozed stupid  had that dullness listlessness lack of animation in his eyes 

when he tried to get down off his bar stool he stretched his legpointed his toe feeling for the floor Fuck. It was there the last time I got down. Whered it go? he maintained his cool he didnt break eyecontact with herwho from where he sat was running the conversation 

maybe the guy got mired in quickstand  hadnt been aware enough to slip her make an exit  he was probably was interested at the onsetthat he hadnt seen punany but he was probably three shots an beers deep when she rolled up on him 

he hadnt seen her buy a drink 

her purse laid on top the bar snapped shut 

the guys bills were spread haphazard on the bar above his drinks 

when he ordered drinks the bartender served them and then helped himself to the money 

the guy didnt bother to watch                                                                                                             

his prerogative                                                                                                                        

he may be one of those rare trusting soul or too rocked to count himself

he kept them well watered

finally cool he found the floor

he had trouble interrupting her speech she was on a roll he wanted to politely excuse himself

finally getting a word in edgewisethrowing her off the scent ordering more drinks  as he left he gingerly picked up his smartphone an ithis ithat and laid it on top his pint

he didnt appear concerned for the cash  he was probably a regular  the bartender had his back

he tottled off to the can

as the man disappeared into the hallway at the back of the tavern under the illuminated MEN and WOMEN arrows that lead to the restrooms at the buildings rear he couldnt help but wonder with some amazement  had he laid his fone on top his beer out of concern that she might try an slip something in it 

he wondered when time had arrived that guys were worrying about being roofied

                                                                                      was that legit

he stopped at this tavern occasionally never there or any bar at night he wasnt predisposed or ever had been a creature of the night a barcrawling denizen the scene smacked him of some lurid or lucid desperation colouredperhaps by being on the outside looking in

long ago he assayed there were better places to meet someone

likely though there was no better place to roofie someone

1739,  Monday,  13  8. 18

0838,  Friday,  17  9. 18

hegulped  perhaps audibly

                            not that that would have been offensive  it would simply acknowledge his incredulity

quietly gulped like a fish out of water  and fortunate to be able to keep his eyes from popping out of his skullhe watched a very attractive woman sit sidewise at the bar opposite his table -- her tongue working vigorously behind her closed lips – two twenties laid on the bar between her and a man

he had happened to overhear their bet and there was nothing from Heaven above or Hell below that would make him budge from his birdseye seat

he was nearly certain she was exaggerating  gesticulating  gaming the rapt man  moreaccurately gaming a pigeon a pidge although he couldnt be sure because hed never heard of it before let alone watched its attempt

Taking your sweet time, baby pidge said I suppose your money’s where your mouth is, huh?

through her clenched jaws she replied Failure is not an option. a bit of spit welling at the corners of her mouth

he liked that not an option

You’re something, baby, you’re really something. pidge was getting cocky

pidge leaned back on his bar stool as he leaned forward his elation growing into an enormous bubble of bliss absently fingering the bills 

it wasnt possible his optimism could grow any larger

                                                        and just then just like that My ass she orchestrated it  timed perfectly  she quit  she opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue and on it laid a double-knotted cherry stem

smiling around her conquering tongue she picked the stem up between the manicured fingernails of her right hand while simultaneously sliding her left forth to collect the paired twenties  These are for me. This is for you. she laid the stem on the cocktail napkin beside his sweating glass Thank you very much. 

                                                                                             then she played a slick trick he hadnt seen played since his grandmother  she folded the pair in halfthen in half again and slipping them into her cleavage  hid them in her cleavage under that that was exposed

he cleared his throat

she turned on her stool towards him

they had made brief eyecontact  

she saw him out of the corner of her eye

maybe part of her languishing in her labor was to entertain him as well  kill two birds with one stone

as he milled his thoughts she turned to face him  he held up his right indexfinger off a bent elbow  he wasnt in school he didnt have to raise his arm up into the air to be noticed or called upon 

                                                                            but nevertheless she said Yes?

he said expertly not too loud not too soft  just right justright as Goldilocks had taught him Youll excuse me But I wonder if you might please  pretty please prettyplease with sugar on top do with my dick what you did to that cherry stem

      concluding with a heartfelt sigh an alto among a chorus of angels while ridiculously batting his eyelashes like a freaking ingénue

she let him hang out there in his absurdity his audacity

                                                          then she smiled That work for you, handsome? 

Donknow  Never tried it before Never watched a cherry stem double-knotted either Work for you

their sudden smiles smashed to bits in the midair between them

Lemme buy you a drink  We can talk about it at least Negotiate  Have a good laugh

she smiled coquettishly they were a pair of broads At least.

                                                             You’re not trying to get into my bank, are you?

I think if I broke into your bank money  money would be the last thing on my mind

rising from her stool  Such a gentleman . .

. . And a scoundrel he said pushing his chair back away from the small table he walked around its edge rolled to her right stepping backwardsextending his elbow the crook of his arm to her My Lady

Such the gentleman. 

Thank you

I suppose we’ll see how you wear it, what’s to be done.

Never can tell  What else is living for if not for its mysteries

text  :  1849,  Sunday,  12  8. 18

1254,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  15  8. 18

exquisite corpse (courtesy of Warpaint)

               just what does that meanhes heard it before  he searched his mind trying to put off the first thing that entered ithe didnt want to entertain that just now what he was thinking sometimes he creeped himself out hed stick in pin in that and return to it later  unforgettable he wanted to continue deeper into his consciousness search that enormous closet he heaved things into knowing theyd be there for safe keeping  however exactly where he hadnt a fucking idea hed have to carefully unlock the door he slammed shut behind him to keep things inside carefully ease it open so the guts wouldnt tumble dump ooze onto the floor around his ankles then  the door sprung wide  hed have to look very hard piece by piece to find one thing from among the myriad of things he couldnt or wouldnt let go

the door creaked anxiously as he approached it  There there now he said I havent come to stuff more inside you Im here to liberate somethingprobably liberate a lot of things that likely will catch my eye or notion

the door sighed

                it knew him not to be a liar

his door was like the doors in his old family home  lock and key doors  he had to take the ring of keys that hung in the kitchen on the offchance someone may have locked the room he wanted inside of  

then

     his closet

he had the only key  curiosity could kill family members as easily as cats

he had an inordinate curiosity

but he also had a staid commonsense to reveal his curiosity and allow others to either share what he asked or not

if they decided not to share he let it fall 

he respected others privacies

he never understood why that was so hard

                                             or why some people became indignant if a party chose not to share  they had no obligation to explain or answer  No should suffice   No wasnt meant to arouse their curiosity even more so No should have killed it like a bullet to the brain   that assuming the person No-ed had a brain

Ahyes   There Yes  Cadavre exquis

                                       he should have thought to seek a foreign equivalent before digging his toe in the dirt fretting  Surrealism  Idiot  he had a shelf of books dedicated to surrealism  Breton Duchamp  Tanguy  Couldnt forget Dorothea Tanningshe was elegantly disturbing  frankly she put Ernst  Max  to shame he thought tohugth he thought tugward Ho  the letters were there  he didnt misspell as much as he misaligned that could possibly be surrealism

Cadavre exquis was a twist on an old parlour game  players in turn wrote on a sheet of paper then folded it to conceal what they wrote and passed it on to the next player 

the surrealists adapted it  rather than writing they drew body parts  created exquisite corpses

he knew itd come to him eventually  

a gentle threat to coax it

Awright

        what he couldnt let go of earlierwhat he knew he wouldnt forgethe had the memory of an elephant  although it doesnt come cheap  its work  THAT exquisite corpse that exquisite corpse is a body before rigor mortis sets in  that loose joint pliable uncomplaining not protesting body  quietly amendable to things  best he call them whims  offcoloured 

once upon a time bodies were plentiful

he hoped to be one

                      he hoped to die outside the bitter confines of a wellintended hospice a vapid hospital room or
a ward

1229,  Twosday,  14  8. 18

Boards of Canada  Dawn Chorus  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRJ_uZClz4Y

Cemetery Man  https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109592/videoplayer/vi2960236057?ref_=tt_ov_vi