hegulped  perhaps audibly

                            not that that would have been offensive  it would simply acknowledge his incredulity

quietly gulped like a fish out of water  and fortunate to be able to keep his eyes from popping out of his skullhe watched a very attractive woman sit sidewise at the bar opposite his table -- her tongue working vigorously behind her closed lips – two twenties laid on the bar between her and a man

he had happened to overhear their bet and there was nothing from Heaven above or Hell below that would make him budge from his birdseye seat

he was nearly certain she was exaggerating  gesticulating  gaming the rapt man  moreaccurately gaming a pigeon a pidge although he couldnt be sure because hed never heard of it before let alone watched its attempt

Taking your sweet time, baby pidge said I suppose your money’s where your mouth is, huh?

through her clenched jaws she replied Failure is not an option. a bit of spit welling at the corners of her mouth

he liked that not an option

You’re something, baby, you’re really something. pidge was getting cocky

pidge leaned back on his bar stool as he leaned forward his elation growing into an enormous bubble of bliss absently fingering the bills 

it wasnt possible his optimism could grow any larger

                                                        and just then just like that My ass she orchestrated it  timed perfectly  she quit  she opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue and on it laid a double-knotted cherry stem

smiling around her conquering tongue she picked the stem up between the manicured fingernails of her right hand while simultaneously sliding her left forth to collect the paired twenties  These are for me. This is for you. she laid the stem on the cocktail napkin beside his sweating glass Thank you very much. 

                                                                                             then she played a slick trick he hadnt seen played since his grandmother  she folded the pair in halfthen in half again and slipping them into her cleavage  hid them in her cleavage under that that was exposed

he cleared his throat

she turned on her stool towards him

they had made brief eyecontact  

she saw him out of the corner of her eye

maybe part of her languishing in her labor was to entertain him as well  kill two birds with one stone

as he milled his thoughts she turned to face him  he held up his right indexfinger off a bent elbow  he wasnt in school he didnt have to raise his arm up into the air to be noticed or called upon 

                                                                            but nevertheless she said Yes?

he said expertly not too loud not too soft  just right justright as Goldilocks had taught him Youll excuse me But I wonder if you might please  pretty please prettyplease with sugar on top do with my dick what you did to that cherry stem

      concluding with a heartfelt sigh an alto among a chorus of angels while ridiculously batting his eyelashes like a freaking ingénue

she let him hang out there in his absurdity his audacity

                                                          then she smiled That work for you, handsome? 

Donknow  Never tried it before Never watched a cherry stem double-knotted either Work for you

their sudden smiles smashed to bits in the midair between them

Lemme buy you a drink  We can talk about it at least Negotiate  Have a good laugh

she smiled coquettishly they were a pair of broads At least.

                                                             You’re not trying to get into my bank, are you?

I think if I broke into your bank money  money would be the last thing on my mind

rising from her stool  Such a gentleman . .

. . And a scoundrel he said pushing his chair back away from the small table he walked around its edge rolled to her right stepping backwardsextending his elbow the crook of his arm to her My Lady

Such the gentleman. 

Thank you

I suppose we’ll see how you wear it, what’s to be done.

Never can tell  What else is living for if not for its mysteries

text  :  1849,  Sunday,  12  8. 18

1254,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  15  8. 18

exquisite corpse (courtesy of Warpaint)

               just what does that meanhes heard it before  he searched his mind trying to put off the first thing that entered ithe didnt want to entertain that just now what he was thinking sometimes he creeped himself out hed stick in pin in that and return to it later  unforgettable he wanted to continue deeper into his consciousness search that enormous closet he heaved things into knowing theyd be there for safe keeping  however exactly where he hadnt a fucking idea hed have to carefully unlock the door he slammed shut behind him to keep things inside carefully ease it open so the guts wouldnt tumble dump ooze onto the floor around his ankles then  the door sprung wide  hed have to look very hard piece by piece to find one thing from among the myriad of things he couldnt or wouldnt let go

the door creaked anxiously as he approached it  There there now he said I havent come to stuff more inside you Im here to liberate somethingprobably liberate a lot of things that likely will catch my eye or notion

the door sighed

                it knew him not to be a liar

his door was like the doors in his old family home  lock and key doors  he had to take the ring of keys that hung in the kitchen on the offchance someone may have locked the room he wanted inside of  

then

     his closet

he had the only key  curiosity could kill family members as easily as cats

he had an inordinate curiosity

but he also had a staid commonsense to reveal his curiosity and allow others to either share what he asked or not

if they decided not to share he let it fall 

he respected others privacies

he never understood why that was so hard

                                             or why some people became indignant if a party chose not to share  they had no obligation to explain or answer  No should suffice   No wasnt meant to arouse their curiosity even more so No should have killed it like a bullet to the brain   that assuming the person No-ed had a brain

Ahyes   There Yes  Cadavre exquis

                                       he should have thought to seek a foreign equivalent before digging his toe in the dirt fretting  Surrealism  Idiot  he had a shelf of books dedicated to surrealism  Breton Duchamp  Tanguy  Couldnt forget Dorothea Tanningshe was elegantly disturbing  frankly she put Ernst  Max  to shame he thought tohugth he thought tugward Ho  the letters were there  he didnt misspell as much as he misaligned that could possibly be surrealism

Cadavre exquis was a twist on an old parlour game  players in turn wrote on a sheet of paper then folded it to conceal what they wrote and passed it on to the next player 

the surrealists adapted it  rather than writing they drew body parts  created exquisite corpses

he knew itd come to him eventually  

a gentle threat to coax it

Awright

        what he couldnt let go of earlierwhat he knew he wouldnt forgethe had the memory of an elephant  although it doesnt come cheap  its work  THAT exquisite corpse that exquisite corpse is a body before rigor mortis sets in  that loose joint pliable uncomplaining not protesting body  quietly amendable to things  best he call them whims  offcoloured 

once upon a time bodies were plentiful

he hoped to be one

                      he hoped to die outside the bitter confines of a wellintended hospice a vapid hospital room or
a ward

1229,  Twosday,  14  8. 18

Boards of Canada  Dawn Chorus  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRJ_uZClz4Y

Cemetery Man  https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109592/videoplayer/vi2960236057?ref_=tt_ov_vi

liquor  or licker   keeps the pig greasedthe flywheel spinning the moat filled with denizens who are curious if sunlight warms and loosens joints sees horror or clasps its eyes shut

liquor provides an innarestin question

                                       Am I wrioting because Im drinking or drinking because Im wrioting? Ill allow this rare question mark

when one tenders a questioneven of themselves it isnt good manners not to offer an answer or perhaps a reason  

Im disappointed I can admit that I know many more people than I thought possible who should know better than throwing a question outthrowing it into a mix without stating where they stand their opinion 

rather they suddenly act reticent closedmouth they stand before me trying to hide the big wood spoon behind their backs that they ably stirred the pot as it drips on the floor making a mess a slick to step in track elsewhere or possibly slip on and fall  probably deny it was their fault

Im aware of this because I can see the ooze spread behind them at their heels 

Im aware too because by not sayingnot offering an answer to their question their prying with a smile  their interrogation asif it were their prerogative

I know I cant turn my back to them

theres few people who have my back  its damn near physically impossible contortionists weird me out to turn ones back on themselves

Am I wrioting because Im drinking or drinking because Im wrioting?

its really the same coin

                        on any given day I could say I lubricated myself to get the ball rolling or  yesOR the ball was rolling and I wanted to minimise frictionlubricate its path so it could roll and wind as far as it possibly could

not overly oiled  subtly

it takes practise

Ive been wrioting since I was a girl my parents accused my brothers of raiding their liquor cabinet of course they did  but even they didnt know I was liberating spirits

2014,  Sunday,  12  8. 18

1147,  Twosday,  14  8. 18

Warpaint  Beetles  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIwp0Ap78fs

once upon a time the candidate who would become the FAKE PRESIDENT said  We have to get the best people . . We need to get the best, the finest . .

this morning he tweets When you give a crazed, crying lowlife a break, and give her a job at the White House, I guess it just didn't work out. 

what is the disconnect

                           a crazed, crying lowlife  “that dog”

                                                                   the best, the finest 

1052,  Twosday,  14  8. 18

https://www.cnbc.com/video/2016/09/15/trump-ill-choose-the-best-people-for-my-administration.html

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-lashes-out-at-omarosa-calls-her-that-dog/ar-BBLTTYY?li=BBnb7Kz&ocid=mailsignout

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UvDxIcXJBM

Catch me if you can she whispered

I did

I caught her by her shorthairs 
                                rather I should explain
not really her short hairs
The fuckI was surprised

we cornered each other in the kitchen

I turned her to the counter pressed her up against it with my hips my kisses  gleefully she returned my enthusiasmher hands on my back my hands up inside her blouse on her back

as we kissed with rapture I slipped my hand down playing her ribs like harp strings and vied tantalisingly  achingly forward  around to her belly   stroking it   plucking and thumbingon occasion at the waist of her jeans

I let my hand fall 

spreading my fingers wide I rubbed the insides her thighs 

then I drew my hand up to cup her crotch firmly 

I held her

then gently I rubbed and massaged her  

her hips moved to my hand

our kisses moved to my hand 

I unsnapped her bra clasp I undid her button and zipper

kissing her I placed my hands on her hips

I broke our kiss  

I looked into her bright knowing hazel eyes

I kissed her once more gently then slipped her jeans to her kneesher breath caught in her throat she took mine 

aching I kissed her deeply

she kissed meher hands frantic slapping and pulling and grabbing and scratching my back I caught the crotch of her jeans with my foot and stepped them down to the floor around her ankles I touched the inside of her right ankle with my foot  her foot came up I dragged her pant leg free and pushed her foot asideslightly spreading her legs   

she moved like an erotic candle flame against me 

we panted  nearly breathless

warmly I clutched her breast I ran the back of my other hand down her belly turned it over and ran my fingernails across her belly  teasing and pinching her navel

I slipped my hand to her hip and thumbed her pelvis kneaded kneaded kneadedneared her groin  I ran my nails up again to her bellyjust under her navel  then  slowly   slipped my hand down between her legssuddenly there her breath fast  coloured with quiet humour tossing me a monkeywrench  maybe   maybesheknew Id never been with a woman who had an aesthetician

my hand was suddenly between her legsat her  sooner than I wanted
                                                                           pubic hair is a subtle guardian

I have always been very fond of a womans bush

her nakedness seemed counterintuitive it SHOCKed me

puberty is a coming of age like her breasts and her wide hips
                                                                 it is the dramatic difference and distance separating one from the bondage of their childhood

although despite her nakedness

it was a delight a turn-on   

we have been longer at our games  longer   perhapslonger than either of us ever imagined

I am grateful I am filled and fattened with love
                                                 and still this playful first seduction plays over and over and over again in my skull a gentle chiaroscuro sketch a primitives cave drawing reanimating on my smooth white convex bone

0143,  Sunday,  12  8. 18
1018,  Monday,  13  8. 18

the FAKE PRESIDENT tweets “Agent Peter Strzok was just fired from the FBI - finally. The list of bad players in the FBI & DOJ gets longer & longer. Based on the fact that Strzok was in charge of the Witch Hunt, will it be dropped? It is a total Hoax. No Collusion, No Obstruction - I just fight back!”

Witch Hunts and Hoaxes are not known to bring multiple Guilty pleas indictments and trials  --  the fires getting hotter

and yet again . . how does he know when to use “I” rather than “The President”:  The President just fight(s) back!

all the while refusing to acknowledge his many many vocal enablers (their driveltheir Fake News)

then there was the White March on the White House

1139,  Monday,  13  8. 18

https://www.npr.org/2018/08/13/638180040/fbi-fires-peter-strzok-political-lightning-rod-who-criticized-trump?utm_source=npr_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20180813&utm_campaign=breakingnews&utm_term=nprnews

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1028271447632957441  Division. Unite together. The jamoke has done nothing to heal or bind the Nation 

https://www.newsweek.com/trumps-ex-campaign-manager-corey-lewandowski-you-got-respect-white-1070267

he texted himself  :
             he texted himself when he was walking and reading and something occurred to him from the words he read or when he lifted his eyes so he didnt walk into a parked car it was an old California town  sidewalks werent a priority and lifting his eyes hed see something

something always intrigued him

hed wake from a dream and text himself 

he set the fone beside his bed on a nightstand a wood feed trough stood on end he liked the livestock bitemarks

his texts were redundant  usually he remembered his dreams and most every morning he saw the world through their diaphanous gauze 

last night he texted  :  an underfed alleycat caught in a rainstorm the words occurred to him in his voice the imagery tickled  but it wasnt hishis words he heard Maddow say them the evening before and the imagery really tickled him  curious the ticklishness carried into his sleep but he cared for four feral catstwo in an two out felines would capture his attention

the early morning prior (0023hrs) he texted  :  It’s a strange thing, (its strange he would bother with punctuation in the middle of the night) laying on your back, remembering, crying for a dead buddy you couldn’t help get loose, and feel tears roll down your cheeks, off your jaw, as you lay on your back, tears defying gravity.  Room 120.

the sensation of tears rolling out of his eyesrolling down on his cheeks woke him 

waking he wiped them from his face

there were no tears

just the sensation

Room 120 made sense

in Junior High Room 120 is where the retards were taughtthe fortunate ones who could trywho had the wherewithal to be integrated

he remembered running into his buddy Bobby in the hallway  he had a pass to see the Principal Bobby was crying  fucking crying in the hallway while inside the rooms classes were in session
Whats going on Bobby  he was very concerned 

I’m being sent to 120. My homeroom teacher thinks I’m mental.

Duckett  Rhymes with fuck itya aint going to 120

I have to. They’re expecting me in the time it supposed to take to walk from Duckett’s to 120.

No  Youre coming with me  Ive been summoned by Mr Sweat

What did you do?

Beats the hell out of me

Aren’t you worriedhes the Principal.

No Ill find out when I get there

I’d be scared. he started crying again I’m scared to go to 120.

Ya aint going Ducketts full of shit Youre coming with me to Sweat

I can’t. I'm expectedprobably right now.

Sweat can use the intercom and let them knowya aint going he said  he grabbed Bobby by the shoulder and walked him down the hall away from 120 a door open behind themheels entered the hall  Boys! Boys! 

Bobby wanted to turnhe could feel him pulltry to turn yanking Bobby by his shirt he muttered Whoever theyre calling aint us Keep walking
You’re going to get in trouble

Then thats my troublenot yours Keep walking

Bobby acted remisslike he was taken prisoner

                                                maybe Bobby was a retard but he kept yanking him down the hall to the Office

0458 Saturday 4 August he texted  :  HILARIOUS! I’m sitting crosslegged (he cant sit crosslegged) on a bed in a livingroom (he knew the livingroom) eating a Ho Ho from between the fingers of my hands asif it was a chicken leg . . my kidbrother comes through the front door to my right . . he’s disheveled (it looks good on him) . . to my left in the kitchen a gumchompin Chicago girl sits on the counter beside the sink stroking my best friends arm while her stodgy husband looks on smoking a cigar  he brought the booze and champagne they were swilling right from the bottles . . then a raccoon upsets the scene knocking over the garbage onto the kitchen floor
                                                                             and that preceded at 0336seemed scarcely a flash a moment prior  :  My girlfriend discovered I cheated on her. It wasn't my fault. She didn’t know the woman was an alien. When the alien pulled awaydismounted me, a thin tendril, parasitic, hidden under her luxurious black hair, wound out and anesthetised me, it inserted itself at the base of my skull making me helpless to her advances. When she tried to extract it, it slitheredpulled taut, then split and ruptured, splashed. I quivered. I spasmed. My shoulders twitched madly. (do you Love Her Madly)

It wasnt my fault

Isnt that an old worn excuse

I didnt do it my brain did

Hell  My brains were all over me doing this to me

 

  :  I am strange

You feel strange?

I feel he said  asif feel was odd in his mouth   I feel  uncomfortable the words felt like bitter stones in his mouth

You feel? 
NO  Thats not right

I am strange (texted at 0543 Twosday 31  7. 18)

Its not my fault Im strange

                

0940,  Thursday,  9  8. 18

1459,  Friday,  10  8. 18

Doors  Love Her Madly  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iqfXaGliq8

the Centurion leaned down to Jesus of Nazareth and said The Nail Will Burn (Loop)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIzkU-5xYWU

he was reminded once again what it was like to sit inside a convection oven  looking out at a dull yellow sky  coloured like spoiled cotton   

the skys filled with smoke from the second worse fire season in Californias history TAKE THAT IN fire season he grew up in the Midwest where there were four seasons WinterSpringSummerFall he always began he recitation of the four seasons with Winter  it was to him the dominant season and who didnt like to be dominated but then it was questions like that that procured his best adventures shy ones at some orgy  they were welcome the doorBeat it!  waste of fuckin time let them play together in the hallways eat the uneaten room service food placed in front of Do Not Disturb doorways placards hung from doorknobs he could relate  he liked what was hanging from his knob

the sky wasnt unlike the skies over Los Angeles and Chicago and New York  Gary when he was younger skies yellowed by exhaust belched from tailpipes smokestacks blast furnaces

he played in a summer city championship soccer game

white suburban boys handing ethnic city teams their ass  boys unjoined by blood

they played under radio and televised health advisements that warned citizens who had respiratory illnesses DO NOT GO OUTSIDE

they didnt have respiratory illnesses

they wanted to knockoff the Croatians at Hanson then beat ass northback home and party up their city victory

theyd beaten the Croaks earlier in the seasonthey were undefeated 

they won 3-0

they ascended to Highland Park where one on the guys girlfriends lived  

she wanted to throw them a party if they won or lost 

Grace that was her name  she was Phils girlfriend 

he told Phil that when they got up to her parents placeher parents owned a sprawling property on the Lake no disrespect to him but he was going to take Grace over his knee and spank hernobody should ever ever think they were going to lose  ya think youre going to lose dont play

GRACE he snatched her up by the waist and took her down towards the waterfront to a quiet stone bench sprawled her across his lap yanked up her skirtpulled down her panties and cracked her several bright cracks on her beautiful ass

then he pushed her off his laprolling her down his legs to the ground  Never never  Never think youre going to lose

she looked up at him

he didnt know if her blush was embarrassment or anger or bemusement

By the way Grace you have a real fine ass   I think I might owe you some new panties

some months later he had the opportunity to thoroughly  slowly   scrutinise her body

and spank her again

she kept calling

she didnt relent

I have no intentions of losing she said

she learned a good lesson

early the next morning he woke 

he could hardly breathe

he wheezed

he vomited

he called out sick to work

that night his parents came into the bedroom he shared with his brothers

checking in on him 

they told him that all his teammates were down toosick as dogs they were all having trouble breathing

they toked some weed

Grace shared some hash with him

they didnt smoke that much

they were warned it was poor air quality

it was outdoors for ChristsSake! why wouldnt they flaunted their youth

in the wide open air  Fuck em

he remembered                 

1905,  Monday,  6  8. 18

1159,  Saturday,  11  8. 18

Last Year’s Man  Leonard Cohen  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWNm9E73V9Y