29.3.18



he spent a decade working for a cellular telephone company whose singleminded unrelenting paranoia went by the namethe bark! CHURN 

CHURN was hardwired into every employees skullthe sole purpose of their working existence and more if they werent careful 

corporate resembled an anthill a bee hive a communal mind 

he tried to speak truth to that mind
                                    if he had lucky stars he would have thanked them 
he made no mistakehe was keenly aware of his unmitigated fortune he was hiredhis employment preceded the advent the cancer of corporate culture
                               he couldnt get hired now he hadnt an anglehe couldnt beat the culture gatekeepers
the loyalist the army ant warriors  

corporate culture has metastisised its been welded it is inflexible shit descends from on-high and flows very hard  underlings wont dare question authority  not if they want to ascend  

while working the daily CHURN  the numbers his department generated why generate? why not ameliorate? were the best among the various departments

their numbers werent half of those nationally published

one would have thought their efforts would have been rewarded  he did   loudly

corporate: You have a job. You should be thankful you have one.

he never learned out of whose mouth that came

he asked    



now on the other side of CHURN his assessment remains intact unperturbed unchanged  CHURN is peverse

cunthowever might take that as a compliment  

he wasnt entirely convinced cunt understood churn

his fledgling and flailing and failing young administration cranked out historic or ahistoric percentages

but
   maybe whats turned sidewise in the presidents thinskinned thin eggshell skull churn is an adjectivedescriptive  perhaps he believes it touts his churning  his spattering bubblingmagma his churning juices  his vitality after all didnt he reel inbed a porn star a Playboy bunny foreplayed with and fingered bevies of beauties “And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.” his chorus(khoros)his echo(eche): Whatever you want. “Yes. Whatever I want.”
                         
his Big Being all tied up in his seminal vas deferens  which possibly in Cuntian means: “I am to be afforded seminal deference.”


couldnt you see him nodding like a drinking ostrich                                                                 
he could

2344,  Day-Between-Two-Ts,  28  3. 18
1451,  Thursday,  29  3. 18
1028 days remaining or fewer
https://imgur.com/gallery/pT8TNO9  lose the hat give it coiffured blonde hair
5:40 minute-mark isnt a bad place to start:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0pBEeYFwR0

28.3.18



the sun came out after three days of rainno bitchin bout thatnot if you live in California
                                                                                             he did too

he had been waylaid by a cold

he made a rare exceptionfavoring himself indoors and listened to the rain at the windowpanes and pound overhead on the roof mesmerised he slipped into delicious colourful hypnagogic notions that moved like oil on the inside of his eyelids then darkened them and lent him to deep healing naps

keenly aware hed fall asleep he set an alarm to wake him for his evening shift to shower off his sweat dress for work and drive fortunately only eight miles
he had the world by the balls



he walked in the sun delighting in it mostly recovered

it occurred to himrather he realised  most of the towns overhead lamps and streetlights had been pinioned with thin metal spikes diverting birds from roosting atop them 
as if the birds were the nuisance

when light chokes night of its natural element it ought to amount to more than his pained issue

however community leaders sought and made the quiet investments defending them with citations the responsibility the necessity to provide secure lighted ways and protect of the citys economic storefronts
their whining always wearied him 

somebody was making a buck 

he wondered what ssh quiet portion of that buck worked it way backhe also wondered Benjamin Franklin  Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty or Safety.

to be sure the quote is appropriated contextualised a pull-quote a thesis regarding money more than liberty however when money means more and has always meant more to select individualsindividuals who were publicly electedwho were granted power to act only in behalf of and for the betterment of their constituents  its overlaying sense  albeit unspoken implied they were to regard an equality for the Whole of any disbursement realised not holes secretly torn in the Wholes pocket


he holed up for three days
                           now sunlight was his best disinfectant



were birds the nuisance

the uncounted trees taken down

an exceptional few replanted

was the displaced wildlife considered  where were they to gowhere were the small smashed communities of fourlegged sixlegged eightlegged and winged earthlings to go

AH  who would humanly have a fealty to them  theyre lesser

no handholding they havent hands

no having their backs their spines arent upright

victimised no compassion was allotted them


when the mad rubber eventually hits the road this ugliness will have to be owned  owned first by the ignorant hapless pawns  then those who all the while had pushed the pawns forward from behind hoping whatever it is is appeased and glutted and thereby they can save themselves

it doesnt feel like hyperbole


1447,  Monday,  26  3. 18
1306,  Twosday,  27  3. 18

27.3.18


Jesuschrist  the town turned itself inside out this righteous nest these salt of the earth grandchildren of pioneers he supposed that might be one name for land thieves who slaughtered Inian encampments or piecemeal taking scalps for bounty

from where he stood the communitys contortions writhing an conniptions were absolutely delicious  their sainted city fathers hadnt made laws to safeguard them from a devil in the flesh an entrepreneur who discovered it didnt have effective provisions to keep pornography from its groomed sacred Wild West confines                                       
Oops


their outrage blinded them

they spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to deny the entrepreneur his rights

they lost

they paid out hundreds of thousands of dollars in restitution  essentially affording Diamond Adult Worlds property and building and renovations and probably more stock and paraphernalia than they might stomach
hubris can get you that




since the porn shop sat nearly square between the high school and junior high their alcohol-free drug-free smoke-free weapon-free campuses FREE? the city campaigned and ultimately provided another property and building for Diamond to relocate

hundreds of thousands of dollars more

ostentatiously removing the business from plain sight

out of sight out of mind
                        just as the School Board and District officials did to the communitys pregnant teenage girls





he recognised one of the things he liked best about Diamond Adult World was its steep inclined driveway off the towns thoroughfare El Camino Real  The Kings Highway that as you drove up it or walked up your gaze went into the loose crown of very old digger pines and the blue sky through it

                                                               or in other words  at Diamond the sky was the limitduh


1430,  Monday,  26  3. 18
1058,  Twosday,  27  3. 18
TomPetty  Into The Great Wide Open  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yF0cqNFVyEM

26.3.18


Nash Crosby, 1972
Crosby, 1971

just sayinrepeatin Americas same old aged shit  we cant seem to get past it   unfortunately

1239,  Monday,  26  3. 18
1031 days remaining or less


the afternoon started out innocently enoughhe wasnt looking for trouble for love  not nothing

but things often have a way of rumbling on in a deaf dumb blind physics of their own  sweeping up or engulfing whatever happens to be in their way caught up in a maelstrom a riptide a revolving door with a sense of humour that recalls a motion picture clip of a white rat running inside a treadmill  whitewater pushing a mill wheel  perhaps the rodent hadnt sense enough to step off  however the glee it enjoyed was that it knew human beings had the sense not to go around and around and roundbut it wasnt going to give them a chance
round and round it goes when it stops nobody knows
it was so terribly pleased with itself


a small brewery opened in the neighbourhood several months ago and he delayed going in order to share the experience with his girlfriend 

unfortunately one thing had lead to another and she was unable to come

with no apparent end in sightshe couldnt say he leaned on her singlemindedness  which he admired  he admired her temerityfrankly encouraged it though given its on-an-on-an-onness he finally threw in the towel and called brotherinlaw asked him if hed been to Dead Oak yet

Dead Oak    Oh yes   No  I havent  Im curious why not

Then great  Care to join me for a beer

You free Thursday afternoon

Im free


his brotherinlaw Fourth Quarter called his eldest son and invited him

his nephew called a buddy he was familiar with who recently returned stateside from Afghanistan


when he and his brotherinlaw met for a beer they called itrather his brotherinlaw called it a putsch  the great Beer Hall Putsch happened in Munich in 1923  end result was Hitlers imprisonment then him writing Mein Kampf a deaf dumb blind physics of its own

he figured that Sam despite his recent military service wouldnt be a Nationalist  he was a best friend of his nephew and his nephew despite his service skewed left


their clutch arrived simultaneously from four different ways

very auspicious

though not as suspicious as after having ordered beers and taking seats that his nephew and Sam sat with their backs to the entry the plateglass frontage  that they would concede having their backs to door surprised him

hence his first point of discussion Why would sit with your back to the door

the seating was arranged by rows of long tables and benches parallel to the frontage

Sam said he took a seat across from him and his brotherinlaw because they sat first

If I were you he countered I would have sat at the bench behind us and turned on it so the four of us were facing out

Perhaps  Though thats not really conducive to conversationnot face to face

All conversation needs are mouths and ears not faces  We aint solving any world problems or crises todaythen almost as if to punctuate the moment over Sams shoulder through the glass window a young woman appeared she wrestled with an A-frame sign for the baby boutique next door that was tormented by a rising wind at the head of an oncoming storm

what initially caught his eye was her hair  bluestreaked  a colour as if looking out off a board through the crash and cascade of an ocean curl 

it was thick  an long  an swung with her movementswas whipped and disturbedfrantically fingered by the air 

he considered helping her but suddenly the wind lifted her hair and revealed the rest of her he was arrested she was petite he didnt expect shed be statuesque  her breasts moved like pair of playful puppies under her sweater
come on now  chivalry isnt dead

his was being patient

he didnt want to step into the fray unnecessarily  impugn her efforts

he would wait

if she looked desperate

then hed be chivalrous


after a minute more of wrestling she collapsed the sign down on itself  obviously frustrated but not desperate leaving it on the pavement   

her expression through her blue hair was fetching

then standing upright she ran her fingers through her hair cut a fantastic imprint on their collective mind and exited stage right returning to the Baby Babble boutique he managed to read that from the A-frame during her struggle


he returned his attention to his beer their conversation his comrades and realised nothing was being said  theyd been as attentive to her as he had That was unexpected he remarked

Yeeah  was conceded

Boys  your necks okay 

Theyre young their necks are rubbery yet Fourth Quarter said

the boyslater than he  turned back into their touted face to face rubbing the right sides of their necks Couldnt say something to ushuh just looked past us

I didnt say because you could have been facing the window too

You know her

No  If I did I probably still wouldnt have stood to help  That was too good a show  Id only have been an interruption an I would have had to throw away my male chauvinist pig card  I dont know if you two ever got heat for being pigsbut nevertheless were all pigs to one degree or another a deaf dumb blind physics of its own

I wish I knew her said Sam

Shes next door

Nah Couldn’t do that

Couldnt admit you watched her struggle but really liked it  My names Sam

Nah Not at all

he turned to his brotherinlaw  Whats that old lineyouth is wasted on the young
I think thats it

There you have Evidence Youth is wasted on the young Take a shot You miss every shot you dont take

Nah That’s a little too ballsy for me

Ballsy Arent you the same guy who volunteered for the military and did tours in Afghanistan


I am

But you havent balls enough to go next door and introduce yourself

It’d be forced

through the window he saw the wind had backed off and Baby Babble Blue had returned to the signyanking it up from its layspreading its legsher breasts getting in the way

he didnt say a thing

by the time the boys turned she had stomped it into position and was returning to the shop

Still not a word the boys chorused

Still sitting with your backs to the door


Well  if you mooks are going to sit tight Im going next door to say hi  Be back in a minute

his nephew laughed  My brother calls our uncle the Silver Fox

they turned on their bench and watched him go out through the door  the A-frame shivered


a deaf dumb blind physics of its own ensued




late Thursday afternoon,  15  3. 18
1150,  Monday,  26  3. 18

24.3.18



IS
    written in black permanent marker enclosed by a near perfect circle

he was very taken by the freehand circle


IS  denotes being

IS encapsulated by a circle the circle like skin concrete skin  the only way to remove concrete is to destroy itcut it up into manageable pieces or crush it under sledgehammer blows

this IS wasnt likely to put up with either the sawblade or hammer  take them in hand is tantamount to threatening IS 

he thought IS would be terrifying in that confrontation



IS was written on a risers face on the upper right hand side

he looked around for hints to who IS was it was on a secluded staircase leading up or going down from the library parking lot 

it was typically a haven for the homeless  for disaffected teens whose antisocial tendencies he had firsthand knowledge of  he offended them by telling them Shutup he didnt want to hear the filth coming out of their mouths   

the four bigmouths somehow forged a band of teens that converged on him but aside from their vile words they were smart enoughat least  not to touch him 

their words didnt touch him 

he strolled oblivious at their head at his leisure 

someone fearing for his safety called the police


the staircase was littered with detritus partially eaten food containers empty liquor bottles drug paraphernalia clothing sweaters tattered blankets feces

once a week someone with the librarys maintenance staff threw the things away scrubbed the waste hosed down the long concrete staircase

IS remained  slightly faded 

he didnt think maintenance played with sulfuric acid

sulfuric acid has a way with permanence


IS  inclined him to use those steps whenever he was passing to the libraryheading over to the grocerystore 

the homeless moved aside made a gap so he could step through them 

the teens usually got up off their asses stood let him pass 

apparently they had heard of him

he always said Thank you as he went


IS

Being



we are all beings 

circumstances beyond our control can have deleterious affects

youd think someone would want to understand a person rather than cast the wide net of stereotyping

as a youth he read Yevgeny Yevtushenko a Russian poet: No people are uninteresting . . . if someone lives in obscurity, / befriending that obscurity, / he is interesting to people / by his very obscurity.

that was written in 1961

he carried a clipboard in the cloth bag that hung from his shoulder as he walked

in among the wastepaper one side used the other side free held by the board he kept Yevushenkos poem inside a plastic slip he copied the poem on a typewriter  whaszat?

he figured the weighted bagwhat might be inside it  concealed   probably provided him unmolested passage between the homeless and teens

no one dared ask Whats in the bag, man?



IS
    reminded him every time he passed it 

No people are uninteresting . . What do we know of brothers, of friends? / What do we know of our one and only? / And about our own fathers, / knowing everything, we know nothing.


0926,  Monday,  12  3. 18
1300,  Saturday,  24  3. 18


23.3.18


standing above her as she sat comfortably at the front desk he almost commented on the attractive design woven into her black silk blouse

however recognising what she worewhat they were he held his tongue

shes a small town librarian ferChristssake
                                                 yet somehowand she isnt alone 
shed bought into Americas new death culture
celebrated with whitebone skulls boiled and peroxided their gazing vacant eye sockets lightningbolt fissures

what was that about
                     used to be skulls were decorativeonly prominent during Halloween

now theyre oxymoronic  babies are toted around on their parents backs and chests and are dressed in garments that have skulls on them  queer that new life and Death should bump heads



her white skulls were intricately stitched and hung together across the face of her blouse topsyturvy suspended on spiderwebs

it was early March


maybe he was thickmaybe he missed the anniversary of one holocaust or another some epic slaughter maybe he was just ignorant  

though  as a species  were nearly stand alones  unmatched  stratospheric  killing our own kind

maybe it should be that we cant kick a can down an alley or a stone down a street without kicking a skull too hed have to buy himself some stout boots  flipflops werent gonna cut it


maybe the answer to every little disagreement is violencekill whoever disagrees with you


the echochamber unneeded is destroyed


everything is same-old same-old
and fucking boring




the librarian wears skulls

hed be sure not to ask her adviselet her manage the nuts and bolts of his account with the library 

like  say    oh       firing up the incinerator to burn books  or maybe the people who refuse to let go of them




1449,  Twosday,  6  3. 18 
1220,  Friday,  23  3. 18 


Christ   the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse who knew one was a woman 

a cunt
“I am the Walrus”
Pompeii  if Republicans in Congress cant get their heads out of their asses
Gina the Impaler  yes . . .  if Republicans in Congress . . .

he wasnt going to watch politics last night but something compelled him  JESUS  FOXs Boltonhes not FOXs  hes one of the founders of the Project for the New American Century (PNAC) the neocons who gave us Iraq and are still giving us Afghanistan  he supposed one could argue people are typically greedy when theyre using someone elses money

0942,  Friday,  23  3. 18
1034 days remaining or fewer

22.3.18



sometimes dreams come in off the street rudely  

theyre pungent unkempttheyll take up anything youve left vacant or unaccounted for  never mind that you had plans for them or didnt expect anyone or anything to challenge you

thats your mistake  

dreams move in righteously and they demand your concession  obviously you have plenty of space  its no matter to them that you carved it out for yourself

why would they or should they heed you

theyve gotten this far


they gloat



you have to realise that only violence will move them
                                                              their violence is extraterrestrial
it is from a realm a province you have no experience with and you will lose a myriad of painful battles before you can take back ground

whoever is most formidable will prevail


the battles are psychic horrific  gruesome

your dreams attempt to overwhelm you  they seek devises that make you squeamish then too embittered raw and consumedtoo embattled to recognise what hangs in the balance


his dreams devastated the people and places of his youth those fierce memories and touchstones  they were flayed horribly tortured murdered they were dismembered a piece at a time all the while begging the ruthless things to stop they were quilled with blasted glass slivers and shards they were set on fire and like burning paper ash or leaves they screamed as they waft into the air their fat smoking black they were penetratedpunched full of holes  sighed like bone flutes

then it was stopped

he was awakened

he fell back to sleep

and it began again in a different place the people tortured again slivered bludgeoned joints pulled apart hooked hung boiled drowned in shallow puddles thickened with coagulated blood feces and humours

then it was stopped

he was awakened

but before he fell back to sleep he found weapons and took them in with him

he couldnt save them all

but the ones he did save he armedthen

stopped

awakened

falling back to sleep

he returned with bulging sacks of brutal armament  

the tide was turning

they didnt stop until the dreams concededuntil they fled


these dreams didnt return didnt seek revenge



dreams have memories to corrupt too


recurring dream all last night,  Thursday,  22  3. 18