13.3.18



things are skewed when you catch them out of the corner of your eye

you look

what you thought you saw isnt what you see saw  something other is in its steadyou recognise hints of what might have directed your imagining  what you did see  part of a dream snagged on a tree branch in a reflection in a mirrorface a store window in the waves of heat radiating out of the ground


things are a little different when they surprise youout of the corner of your eye and you stop and look at them directly and they acknowledge you a raised eyebrow a subtle head nod a hand gesture and you acknowledge them  and then they transform into something else very concreteyou can walk up to and touch talk to it if you wantedhe talked

he wonderedquestioned 

Why?


it wasnt like it disappearedit transformed

he witnessed its transformation




he walked into the hall out of the studio where he wrote

across from the studio door was the bathroom door a slight offset

the front door to the house was open

in the halllooking to his leftover his shoulder through the screen door looking over the gravel drive to his neighbours lot  on its raised earthwork  an Indian stood in a loincloth he held a crude bow and a clutch of arrows in his left hand

seeing him through the screen the Indian raised his right his palm facing him

he stopped completely in the hall

he turned and faced the Indian 

he raised his left his palm flat to the Indian

then the Indianstill erectstill looking at him slowly began to shrink and as he shrank he transformed into the tree stump that had grown in the earthwork


he crossed the livingroom to the screen door

it wasnt until he was at the door that he realised his hand was still uppalm faced out

opening the door with his right he walked out onto the front porch

it was an overcast day

it threatened rain

it rained yesterday

but it didnt smell like rainit smelled cooled refreshed  moist


the tree stump was as it was



he wondered if the Indian hadnt been transformed into a tree for some transgression

later forced to bear his amputations

rendered

belittled


he saw a strong young manit was curious to him that anyone would take a tree down into a five foot stump and leave it to weather 

it didnt throw greenshoots during the Spring

it was simply a stoic stump  a remnant

of what once was



he turned away  

he walked back into the houseshut the screen door behind himwalked through the livingroom to the hall

he felt he was being watched

he turned once more and looked a tree stump




he doesnt look at the tree stump the same way any more

he doesnt have any idea how to help

he thinks that somehow he is supposed to help that is his nature

whenever he walks past the stump descending the driveway to the street below he acknowledges him  then quietly asks how he can help 

Stoic


no matter

that wouldnt stop him from asking




he knew what he saw

that was unshakable



1312,  Monday,  12  3. 18


If Pompeo(who he has likened to Pompeii) a Drumpf collaborator an misfit is confirmed as Secretary of State  Americas chief diplomat  hell succeed as miserably as Kelly has as White House Chief of Staff

Drumpfs Best People over and over and over again
0949,  Twosday,  13  3. 18


Oh  Gina Haspel   as CIA Head       theres torture

good to have a collaborator who doesnt mind getting her hands dirty

0959,  Twosday,  13  3. 18

12.3.18




he texted his daughters from the street where he was witnessing what he wrote  :  They’re tearing down Coco’s, across from Adobe Plaza . . . the erasing continues until the eraser catches up with you . . .   strange thought.


he didnt receive a responding text from either

he wasnt the one who had a smartphone

he happened to have his cell with him

his girls didnt go anywhere without theirs

he had a landline telephone

they didnt

he did not doubt that they received his text


it was a strange text he recognised that as he reread it  before sending

that they didnt respond made it stranger

he didnt know if they communicated about it between themselvesthey often communicated about himleaving him out of the loop 

he was never comfortable with that it reminded him of talking behind someones backwhich he didnt do he didnt assumehe didnt surmise if he had a question a bitch a bone to pick he was front an center however he did understand confrontation wasnt everyones cup of tea

confrontation was his lifeblood  

a necessity like air water sustenance



the erasing continues until the eraser catches up with you


what did he mean by that


his daughters knew that all the houses he lived in his life except one were razed or burned down

they knew the story of his mother one day distracted on Western Avenuesuddenly tell him Look left  That parking lot is where the house that we lived in stood when you were a babywhen you first came home from the hospital

that was strange  looking out the car window at a parking lot for a strip mall a smattering of cars

We got a plaque or something of remembrance erected there Maw

No  I . .I just thought you should know so youd remember

This is your an dads old neighbourhood  Chances are Ill never be this way on my own again or even if I did I wouldnt remember a parking lot

Anyway  I just thought youd like to know is all

Thank you for the thought  I hope you remember to share with dad when were home that you were in the old neighbourhood an went past where you lived when I was a baby  I think hed like that




the erasing continues until the eraser catches up with you

the girls knew that the family home he grew up in third grade an on was torn downthe seventh storey apartment he lived in for two years during college in Miami was devastated by a small commuter airplane crash a propjobthe last place in the town he still lived in burned to the ground

he went headlong through a police line to save his three cats  

the police advised him they could have arrested him for violating the line 

That cheap plastic yellow ribbonfuck you he was still holding his cats in the wicker laundry basket he tossed them in under a bath towel





the erasing continues until the eraser catches up with you

apparently the trick is to stay one step ahead
   

0958,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  3. 18
1234,  Monday,  12  3. 18
Joni Mitchell  Big Yellow Taxi  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94bdMSCdw20

11.3.18


We could be friends
                      icewater ran in his veins

he mimicked We could be friends

Yes  Ill dance you sing
                         the B52s Love Shack had began as she and a friend entered the liquorstore where he worked  the friend heavilytatted was man  or boy a male  howbout the opposite sex  what tribe he was of wasnt distinct or were his tattoos thematic  he had come to accept body art as eclectic  she had none  she recognised the happy storm of Love Shack and broke out into dance

from the rear of the store he saw her dancing  he called up to her Atta grrl let er rip  

she didnt break strideshe smiled she was too involved   

her friend neglected her prancing  he continued up into the store without either notice pleasure or bemusement  a real cold fishtoo cool for words  playing to an audience in his head

he didnt put the two together they were from separate jigsaw puzzles if they were together eventhough he wasnt a betting man hed bet if they tried to make it work itd fail  not today tomorrow this yearnext in the long run one or the other would wakeup and realise their partner and disconnect  he had been right about Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel who the fuck was kidding who  as hed been right about her meteoric riseabout Dorothy Strattens risewho should have been Playboys 25th Anniversary centerfold rather than Candy Loving as hed been right about Anna Nicole Smiths rise then a print model for Guess Jeans to the froth of Playboy  nobody listened to him  probably becauseby his own admission he was adverse to blondes  he couldnt rally a soul to buy into his prognostications for the very reason that blondes didnt make his cut  usually finding them glass baubles as compared to earthy women who wowed himsnapped his neck it was hard to beat 60s 70s natural and bush  he missed both desperately


We could be friends 

a buxom Rita Hayworth blackanwhite edition whispered that to him through her chattering teeth as they frolicked in the Pacific surf  he was teaching her to catch a wave with a boogie board because she needed the help and for whatever reason the young bucks left her to flounderIdiots 

never to leave a woman in distress or neglect an opportunity he offered his assistance  I can help if you like  because at your pace youll either turn blue or drown before you catch on or catch a wave

Ppappaleeaase 

Yes  Yah   You may go purple beyond blue if I dont help

a smile came up over her trembling teeth

I admire your tenacity girl


she was a capable student listened well  inside ten minutes with the help of sets of obliging rollers she hung right in beside him  either their exertion to catch the next wavetheir keen attention to each other or they grew too numb to care they were provided a respite or it insulated them from the cold salt sea
it never occurred to him she might have been playing a part

when her lips did go purple he motioned her to head in

running up onto the sunwarmed beach his blanket and towels closer to the water he took her board from hertucked them under up his arm then took her hand in his  

they stopped short of the blanket  he grabbed a beach towel for herwrapped her in it then grabbed another for himself 

her shaking seemed only to escalate Aw kid  here  lets opt for body heat  I have it on Holocaust authority two people can warm themselves together faster than separate 

opening his towel for her she opened hers and stepped into his armsher body against his  he wrapped them up and pivoted around so the sun struck her backside 

together  despite the chill of where their suits separated their skins he could feel an ascendant warmth gather  then beyond it a sensual heat simmer  

Better  he asked into the top of her head

Yes   Better


they held each other longer than they needed to to annihilate their chillsher shaking  they stood oblivious to their surroundings wrapped together talking aimlessly  her mouth at his chest and throat  his at her thick auburn hair the seashell curl of her ears

she was visiting the coast on her own  Two weeks she said  

she spent three with him  she reminded him of someone  someone beyond Rita


they wrote letters for several months  then she moved in with her mother on the East Coast to help consolidate her finances

her letters stopped abruptly


after several more months without receiving return lettershe wasnt going to stop until he had a reason he wrote family and friends letters and they never wrote back  letterwriting didnt play into their lifestyles because they were too lazy

then he received a letter from her mother Giselle curious name  he had only known or met a single Giselle in his life   Giselle  her name brought back fine memories  white sand Florida beaches at night  swimmingsnorkeling in the Keys  barbecued fish cold wine  sexual abandon

Giselle wrote that Sofia could not continue her relationship with him

he read more


then as he turned to the fourth pagethe foreplay at an end the meat revealed  Giselle admitted she was his Giselle from Miami  her pictures of him compared to Sofias were irrefutable he didnt remember either of them taking pictures of him like mother like daughter     
Oh     


like mother  like his daughter




We could be friends 

the startling young woman still bounding before him to Love Shack the heave of her breasts mesmerisingwarming him
he felt a flush

We could be friends he said but tell me your mothers name isnt Sofia 

Her name isnt Sofia


Youre not lying are you

Why would lie about that

I dont know  seems some women have a bloodhounds scent to them 

Does Sofia look like me

Did  I wouldnt know  I just prefer prefer  you arent  Im . . 
. . Youre attracted to me

I think our chemistry is obvious . .
. . Yes   Ill dance you sing 


And him  he motioned with his head to her friend still among the stacks

Him  Hes an acquaintance  I wanted to take some fresh air and he was running out for some wineWhy do people out here drink winestupid

You prefer spirits

Damnright  This time of year its cold at home and nurtured in the East wine hasnt much of a place or appeal in my world

East

Yes

Your mothers name isnt Sofiaseriously

She isnt Though I sense theres a story behind your trepidation


Yes

Id like to know it   Be my friend

Youre bosom buddy


Maybe



Thursday night,  8  3. 18 
2119,  Sunday, Daylight Savings Time: why?  11  3. 18 

10.3.18



he woke stubbornlyout of an erotic dream to the bingbing sound of an incoming texthe sighed deeply leaving behind what he was leaving behind

october was nestled between his legsup against his groin

his girlfriend texted to say she was up

she was notorious for sleeping through her alarmshe was notorious for waking just before his alarms went off  then he was up on his two feet

she didnt know how he did it

he told her he attributed it to working as a paperboy for eleven yearsseven days a weekpenny a papertwo cents on Sunday  that stretch broken up only by broken legs  broken arms an broke fingers an noses didnt cut any slack
he worked around those


he set his alarm for her for eightthirty

she texted at eightseventeen

if she hadnt he would probably have awaken at eighttwenty eighttwentyfive

he turned to his right and grabbed his cell off the nightstand an endonend woodannibbledgnawed feeding trough

he texted  :  Good morning, baby! You’re out of bed?

:  im up in adam

she teased

hed said up in adam for years rotely  the words leaving his mouth without him thinking of them

then he stopped himself one day  an repeated outloud what came out of his mouth Up In Adam Whaddafuck  Im not Im I mean  Up  And  At  It    WhyamI saying up in adam

overhearing him laying beside him she laughed Thats what Ive always wanted to knowsince the first time I heard you say it

CHRIST Why didntya ask

I suspected you said so only to intimates  a quirkan affectation

Jesus Throw me a bone   When I make an ass out of myself tell me

I didnt find it assworthy  It was cute  an youre rarely cute

Fuuuck I hate cute

And thats probably all the more why I didnt say so

he was cutehe needed cute like he needed a hole in his head


he reached down to pet octobers head

she tried to avoid his handshe was feral  only a month in the house

he retried and grabbed an ear  See  Still stuck to your head girl thats a good thing

she batted at his hand withholding her nails 

she was learning

he texted  :  I love that you’re up in adam, baby.  Feet on the ground?


:  grounded

he relaxed  she was on her own  but she was still notorious  it was only one battle in a long war

turning again he laid the cell beside the alarm clock and depressed the lever that killed the alarm

laying back october remained between his legs so he kept on pulling her earpetting her 

maybe  just maybe  she purred 

then he placed his hand on the covers at his waist and looked over it at her calico facecalicoes fascinated him  she was the first he ever cared for  his daughter had one Elmo  Elmo lived sixteen years died a month before she gave birth to her first daughtershe always said that she took Elmo in a barn kitty to prove to herself that she could care for another living thing  she didnt dare want a child being the first living thing she ever cared for  with Elmos help she also cared for Aeros a German Shepherd who died very young of gastric torsion and Takota another fine German Shepherd who capably filled the wound and gap that Aeros’ death made      

musing of his daughter he became aware that octobers eyes were fixedskewed to the space to his right

he watched her

she definitely watched something

definitely

Awshit he thought  I hope she not watching a ghost 

animals cats dogs can see ghosts

theyre easily within their realm

its human beings with their big brains that either can or cant an more often dont  dont want to acknowledgeor fear  that they share the world with the immaterial  who for their own reasons throw off their cloaks an appear  they walk move fly hover  with the sublime agility as only they can

the house had three ghostthree roommates thats what they called them  an they were grateful they shared the space without enmity with patience  times with humour

itd be like one of them now in bed to be seen by october  her feralness making her closer to them than he could ever be


Times up he muttered softly  he had to look an see what she was looking at  he hoped it wasnt one of their heads disembodied laying beside his  weightless  looking at him

he turned his head


his heart in his throat



he saw

october intently watched the secondhand of the alarm clock move through time in its staccato fashion


0817,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  3.18
1157,  Saturday,  10 3. 18

8.3.18




cunts fastgrowing culpability is verging on shooting fish in a barrelan yet  despite the presidents ties to the NRA

it seems hes choosing to hang him 



mebbe he ought to reconsiderhe wont


mebbe he ought to overdosesucceed in his vanity

which ultimately if delusions like dreams can come true would allow him to lie in state  in an open coffin  beheld by a grieving Nation  dewyeyed  breastclutching   attract somber leaders from across the World
Ye  the Galaxy  

cunt knowing deep in his nut  he would be provided the pomp and circumstance befitting a National American hero


There will never to be another like him
Thank Gawd  one was plenty


1146,  Twosday,  6  3. 18
1154,  Thursday,  8  3.18
1049 days remaining or fewer
cunt  a.k.a. David Dennison  a.k.a. Mike Flanagan  http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/liar/n9461?snl=1


Todays International Women’s Day and in reverence to women the President said . . .


sounds like a beginning to a jokedoesnt it

John Kelly his White House Chief of Staff called women sacred
                                                               THAT sounds like a beginning of a joke too

1306,  Thursday,  8  3. 18

poaching



awright  cunt reverses himself on elephant-hunting  a case-by-case basis   when there is no basis for slaughtering elephants
            it begs one to ask . . . if the elephant in the room  is the president . . .

1256,  Thursday,  8  3. 18