cliché

     hed pay good money to see the one film  one film where someone subtly excuses themselveslike a vampire  asks May I use your bathroom  an permission granted they hurry to enterquickly closing the door behind them  inside the concentrated strain concern goes out of their face  an thats when it is understood their intentionpractised an clandestine is to go through their medicine cabinet

                                      but either there is no cabinet  or quietlystealthily opening the mirrored cabinet

there is nothing is inside

imagine their expression or their silent sudden gymnastics to find something

comedic  yes

defying the norm

hed seen it so often 

it was too convenient 

too cliché

now however   NUTS! aint a damn thing to be foundnothing incriminating  no fuckin clues revealed

the toilet flushes

hotwater runs into the basin hands are soaped no NOTICE sign EMPLOYEES must wash their hands before returning to work – are they fuckin eidgets?! a handtowel snatched from a convenient hook  rubbed  rehung  

emerging reentering the room Thank you  while deftly hiding the bluster an confusion in their face

that would be the movie shot in his house

there was no mirrored cabinet a round woodframed mirror to shave in    

left of the basin were narrow shelves holding his toiletry 

there were no medications

on the kitchen counter beside the fridge he kept his vitamins an supplements on a circular cutglass tray

inside the refrigerator was cod liver oil black seed oil organic Jumbo eggs

an operative couldnt excuse themselves to go to the kitchen alone 

the only hint theyd find in the bathroom were rubbers  those his girlfriend preferred

rubbers will never be cliché

1916,  Twosday,  23  1. 18

1301,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  24  1. 18

1813,  Twoday,  23  1. 18

                                     be authentic  . . .  . if it kills ya sowha

                                                                                            so what

caught trailer for Amy: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2870648/videoplayer/vi1940566809?ref_=tt_ov_vi

it was the insipid buzzhums an aahs that attend people milling about an on exercise equipment that turned him off about health clubs  though he treated his as a gym an got in an out without the apparent necessity of socialising

he worked his circuit through them asking firmlyseveral times to please move so he could utilise the machine  not use the machine utilise it sitting on their fat asses using it 

it was a pet peeve (an one day hed name the right cat petpeeve  p p) that he had to ask and he asked both men and women

threw him for a loop

one  he had to ask

two the disturbing looks he endured for askingan endured isnt hyperbole  if he had his druthers hed yank them headlong off the equipment without a word  use it or loose it  kids get it  adolts are  well  dolts thick  asif entitled because life hadnt taken them out yet  their unconscious breathing heart beating blood flow  chits in their corner fuck 

few in the clutch were genuinely apologetic  something else a majority of adolts seem to have no need for

however  in their basting  he did overhear something that saddened him if he was remembering correctly

finally the bulbous bulk broke down into single cells approachable cells without the firmament or need of witness or aggrandizing  a guy he knew from inside the sauna  Steve  Steve who struggled with obesitywho spent two hours inside it sweating combatting it you have to give him credit

The circlejerk upstairs among the equipment  people I think youre familiar with Steve  someone who died in a freak accident  I hadnt heard

Yeah  Norwood

Im sorry you say his name was Norwood

Norwood  Yeah

Norwood sounded familiar  he moved from Western AvenueChicago proper to Norwood Park as a boy to live with his grandmother  was that what was familiar to him  Norwood Park  not the name Norwood

Norwood

Yeah Knew him well  I worked at the prison he worked security we yapped  he was the redheaded buzzcut who worked out here evenings then dressed out in uniform to go to work  Always did the overnight gig Liked it I spose

Norwood

Did you ever workout evenings 

Used to then lost my job  Corporate takeover

Sorry to hear that

Seems the way of the world No balls  Greed  It wasnt unexpected  At least not unexpected to meunexpected however to the majority of my coworkers who listened to their bullshit about jobswho put blind faith into what they were told not what they saw  During meetings I called corporate outcalled them liarstold em to put it in ink or shut their mouths  Coworkers told me to shaddupId certainly not be getting a job but I was jeopardising theirs

Awwell  hope springs eternal  Untempered optimism  They couldnt give me reasons for their assuredness  They just chose to hang on their words  They called them promises

They werent promises  They werent in writing  Talks cheap  They didnt empower themselvesdidnt resistthey fell over themselves training corporate employees to do their jobs 

But maybe thats where they were from an I wasnt Nobody got a job though Norwood sounded familiarmore familiar than just his boyhood town

Excuse me Steve  I spent a number of years as a boy in Norwood Park

Oh

Yeah  Norwood  I dont particularly wanna ask this  Norwoods son die of leukemia You know him

Shit  Im afraid I do  He died  Yes

Im sorry to hear that

Its worse than sorry

Worse

Yeah  You know the guysweet guywouldnt turn anyone downturn anyone away  He was runover by a seventysixyearold man who stomped the accelerator  not the brake  while going in reverse  Evidently he lost control of the car when it lurked  News described him as confused

I dont think you get to walk away  confused  no matter how old you are

I think hell plead confusion  The State did authorize a drivers license to him

Licenses bring in money  Its capital  Capital accumulation no matter human costs Theres more where they came from

Thats bleak

No  Bleak  You want bleak  Norwood was the kind of guy who would go out of his way for you

Unfortunately he couldnt get out of the way

1300,  Sunday,  21  1. 18

1916,  Klimt Monday,  22  1. 18

complacent  complicated  clouds  hung in the sky  suspended asif dirtywhite blood dripped up an pooled in thin air

Why did that occur to him

he walked to the gym reading

yesterdays afternoon sky was quilted  dullwhite an broad blue stitching

today dirtywhite clouds in a homicide bloodspray pattern

it wasnt the fault of what he read though a section of the book was called The Toxic Airborne Event

he slipped on his tattered white workout tshirt

he didnt wear it for affect

he wore workout Ts until they failedlike he worked out to muscular failure

he been lifting on the machines for nearly a halfhourwas suckin air when an older man entered the room

he was on the curl machine in full sight of anyone who entered an he figured the man either glimpsed him or heard his workoutbreathing rhythmic  not grunts or look-at-me-work barks

when he finished his set of curls catching his breath he walked across the room to the leg machine where the older man stood looking out the window  looking asif looking at a painting 

through a window depth is altered perspective is subtly skewed

the outside seems twodimensional  flattened  winter bare trees look like neural netstheir foreground branches meshed with those midtree an behind  they look like flat rounded dense fans waiting for stoic slave attendants to waveto cool their kingtheir god an from where the older man stoodat the knee of the leglift machine he couldnt miss the crematorium attached to The Chapel of Roses  the foregroundthe brightyellow lined parking places  unbroken by graygreen concrete pedestals holding industrial stanchions an overhead lighting  otherwise a taut black sheet of tarmac  black as deathone might presume  it takes eyes or the sense of seeing to realise colour  death was senseless  it made sense to him that death was colourless

it was simply not being

when he came up on the older man an whispered Excuse me are you . . the man jumpedhis hand going to his throat  Im sorry I thought you heard me approaching

NO. 

Excuse me I didnt mean to upset you

No.

   I think I must have gone somewhere.

Thats our prerogative isnt it

Goodness, I haven’t thought of it in terms of a prerogativeI’ve thought it to be a faultI’m told I do it very often.

ApparentlyId think you like where you go   Or you wouldnt go

Yes. I suppose you’re right, if you think about it that way.

Its subjectivewe all do itdaydream lollygag stare off into space  People outside us shouldnt make judgments not when their guiltif you will of the same   crime

Crime.  Perfect wordthey make me feel guilt.

Were all guilt of daydreamin  Dreamin the past  present  future    Hell there are those who think were dreamed acting in someone elses dream  or daydream          

Im sorry I interrupted youIm in my workout modedont look left or right   I apologise for uprooting you 

I didnt see you werent here

Thank you.

          he suddenly looked miserable I don’t know where I was.  In blind reverie I suppose.

Are you okay

I am. 

Thank you. 

I probably shouldn’t be here.  I’m distracted.

Otherwise youre okay

Yes. I am.

as he adjusted the leg machinehis head down he bellowed loud enough for the man to hear  Enjoy your daydreams or your blind reveries  Dont listen to a soul say otherwise

Thank you.

1727,  Saturday,  20  1. 18

1051,  Sunday,  21  1. 18

Kendrick Lamar  BLOOD.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDUL2mtQpDk

she staggered eversoslightly 

someone else might not have noticed

they would have noticed she was noticeablebut perhaps not beyond that

when she spoke her words slurred slightly  like a jazz slurone breath running a string of notes

he liked her soundyou might say he liked the instrument that played it  reminded him of someone behind him  Miami  during his hellion days  his to-be-wife plucked him out of that maelstrom   it wouldnt be a stretch to say she may have saved his life  at his crass violent Miami crossroads it would have been hard to say which would have been the road less traveled since all roads end in demise 

she reminded him  of   someone

Canya help me  she had come at him on a beeline

Youre hangin out girl

she clutched at her open jean jacket an found skin where buttons should have been  I am  she slung her purse on her shoulder I oughta charge you for a peek

Wouldnt have been a peek

Smart guy  she buttoned a couple of buttonskept her cleavage 

Years of experience

Funny thats why Im approaching you

Always nice to be approachednice to help

I like the way you talk

I happen to like the way you speakwas trying to remember exactly who you reminded me of

I have a predecessor

I think everyone has a predecessor  Or should

You got something against virgins

No but Im allabout learnin curves

Learned mine

Mammorised em

Oh Clever

Thank you  Youah needed help

Yes

Sound exasperated

Im only here because Im sober enough to be here

Hangin ten on sober

My rides outside

Then we can talkI can help

Youd refuse me

Id refuse you

Youd refuse me

Yeshow can I help

she shook her head  slightly  like her stagger  Im to buy whiskybut nobody could decide what  You look like you know your whiskys

One reason why I work here Ask me about wines an youd be out of luck  Id hand you off to Cay

No thank you  Were a team

Then lead on Up the spirits aisle at your back 

he followed  Left are your ryes and bourbons right your Canadian Irish and Scotches  How you intend to dispatch your spiritssippin or sluggin

Sluggin

Probably not familiar with the vernacular  Shots

Ah  Yes shots

How many are drinkin

Me and five other twentythreeyearold girls  Maybe a couple of pervy guys

At twentythreeyearsold girls are just as pervy

she turned on her heels perfectly  maybe she wasnt as slight as he thought  Nice turn

Just as pervy

Usually more from my experience 

Jesus  Yeah  I dont want Beam or Jack Ive heaved up stuff from dark places that I didnt know I had that I couldnt identify

Couldnt have said it better myself

Really

No  Kinda illuminated in a single sentence what many people experience  Been there myself  But you gotta beits part of the process

Nice

Kudos

Thank you

Rye

I dont think so

Howbout we swing to your right behind you  Irish  Jameson  Good price  Good for shots

By experience

By my daughters experience  I sip spirits straight  I enjoy  Savor

she looked his apronhis nametag  Joe she said  Grampa Joe

Maybe pushing grampa if my daughter was underage an birthed which she wouldnt have shed have aborted  he grabbed a Jameson by the neck

Your daughter would have chose to abort

She wouldnt have had a choice

Its a womans choice

A womans choice  Not a childs

he watched the vapors of her drunkenness rise out of her  he struck a sober cord  But youre rightI am a grampa got two beautiful granddaughters  Im just not old enough to be your grampa  I could accept Uncle Joe  Id be that uncle dig

she burst out laughing 

her laughter was musical

1039,  Saturday,  20  1. 18

first day of the Republican government shutdown – 1096 days remaining or fewer

he rolled a fattie harkening back to the days when grass was cheapwhen it wasnt modified by freaks for genetics all the freaks are getting out of handoutrunning our ability to process even consider what the long term might be an might be not what theyre purported  were reacting were not proactive not braking  Slow it down muthafucker  slow    it     down

hitting it deeplyholding it in breathlessly he remembered Frank  dead now  shot himself in the head when he was diagnosed with cancer  Frank worked at Phillips with him a liquor store  Frank always carried a few joints in his pack of Camels  Man hed say I remember when the shit grew wild in empty lots around Chicago. I’d pack up grocery bags with it and hide em in the garage. Somehow my old man always sniffed em out. Ya a dumb nigger or wha? he’d say, whyya always baggin up weeds an hidin em in the garage? Yaint that dumb or are ya, nigger? My old man liked his booze. He’d get his high on and toss my bags in the incinerator in the alley, burn em, and I’d have to go out again and just pick me some mo.

exhale

opening a bottle of beer finishing the joint he sat down to watch Planet Terror an make his way to Death Proof  a twin-bill for the evening reminding himself of all the twin-bills he took in at Drive-Ins an missed some of the first an sometimes all of the second the great B-films that played flickering lights on their bodies painting them as they laid inside his parents stationwagon playing with each other plied with grass an a lil something to sip

he dug that Rodriguez and Tarantino set their hands to grindhouse their vision of over-the-top xploitation  they reminded him of Russ Meyers Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Rosario Dawson done up like Tura Satana anfool if ya dont know who she was yare shaky an might follow Franks exampleLOOK HER UP! or Warhols Frankenstein or rather Flesh of Frankenstein  to know death you have to fuck life in the guts he wasnt fuckin a gall bladder an while these bits roiled an twisted in his head like a wax bolus inside a lava lamp he injected into it imitation is the sincerest form of flattery Colton  then one-upped by Wilde that mediocrity can pay to greatness  then into the mix he slathered Vanilla Ice blatantly drafting off Bowies an Queens Under Pressure  xploiting its bass line(while insisting he had bought it outright)  that hadnt dawned on him until he wandered into a liquor store in California that was playing uninspired cannedmusic overhead  the bass line began  in his head he heard Under Pressure  then Ice Ice Baby Ice commencedDafuck  he usually he heard what he heard  this was the first time he was fooled  he didnt listen to Vanilla Ice  his daughters did  which they now tried to deny as they tried to deny Ricky Martin  Comon Martin was talentedhe stayed in the industry far longer than the white rapperYo  if one was inclined to bestow onto Ice  rapper  that was his act rather than his life  to livin the life sez Wilde  sez Wilde   he agreed with the elegant satiric or satyric homosexual 

when the girls come to his house an flip through his CDsthey ignore his hundreds of vinylstoo lazy to turn a record over  flipping through themhes sure they conspired they always find Ice an Martins CDs an holding them up they say Gee Dad you certainly have an eclectic taste in music  he had   theyd smile knowing full well the CDs were theirs 

Hmm he wonderedopening another beer when he croaked would they finally take them for themselves

muthafucker just crushed a disembodied testicle under his boot

                                                                AwChrist  hed almost forgotten

1744,  Thursday,  18  1. 18

1155,  Friday,  19  1. 18

a crowd rocked the front door  ah mebbenot  six    but they made noise for a crowd

at its head was an afroed cat who looked at once asif he was tryin to put some distance between himself an the rest the hale an hearty clutch at his back or had been hurled bodily through the automatic doors by them

then they entered

they were well-fueled women

the second through the door was a selfcontained nicelywrapped package who seemed every bit the substance of thick sweetcream that had risen to the top  she exuded confidence  was erect  bemused by the chattel pressing at her heels

she was the ringleader

he had no doubt

                 but the ring she led was becoming unalloyed  not unraveling splitting like an aortic dissection  rather into dull irregular clots  separations(no doubt no facsimile to the individuals they usually were)  but alcohol can do thatslip inside nefariously xploit slight fissuresfractures an gape them

behind the tall turnstilesthe stacked shelves of miniature liquors which stood between the cashiers counter an the beginning of vertical aisles two of laughing women stopped  they embraced kissed deeply SHOWTIME the curtains parting

this had gone on at the ringleaders back who had gone up into the tequilas and gins

he heard the sharp report of her heels at the linoleum

they quieted  

deciding

then he heard the measured gunshots of her stride as she returned to the front of the store

she split the kissers in-two  Awcomon this aint the place

she had two bottles of expensive tequila by the neck in her hands

usually they were locked inside cabinets behind glass 

she assessedrecognised that someone inside hadnt locked the glasshadnt done their job  why would she press the callbutton for someone  wait for someone   she helped herself  

he liked people who helped themselves

behind her walkedfollowing the leader a young gal who may have been trying to be her shadow  emulate hershe had her work cut out

passing the miniature turnstiles she unsteadily passed to the leaders left an nearly lunged at the counter to get there first

she drew herself up absently reared her shouldersbreasts rising  Yoou knoow wa   ta dayiss she oogled his nametag  Jooe Joe   Helloo Joe Ya knoow wa  ta day    iss

he smiled at her smiled at the ringleader who watched her friend with evident discomfort as the restthe afroed catthe remaining three glided to the front behind them drawn on the draft in their wake  he said I know its Satuday an its January Thirteenth

Nahnah  nah   she blinked she was happily inebriated smiled big white teeth which played marvelously in contrast to her complexion big bright eyes   Nah  Iismu birthdayguess  hoow ol I am   her eyes narrowed  she was deadly serious

Happy birthday

Tank yoou

Youre welcome  How old are you

Yoou gotta guess

Well  you got a baby face  he looked at the ringleader Shes got a baby face too 

I got a baby face

You kiddin me  he turned his attention back to his voluptuous interrogator  Id say youre so freshblown an bright that today is your twentyfirst birthday

Iismu twentyfiirst birthday ta  day an mu friends have have  have taken me ot driinkin

he glancedsaid to the ringleader  An you have her in check

We do

She looks like shes a handful

Babygrrls my best friend

Then shes in good hands

Yes  Thank you

the birthday girl said I am a handful

he turned his attention back to her Thats what we were saying

I am

An I have both your words on it that you are

the gaggle behind them nodded nearly in unison

Joe

Yes bright eyes

Yoouah  wanna feel my breasts

Ohjesus the ringleader said Not now

he smiled warmly  Thats a real nice offer bright eyes but Im not allowed to accept gratuities 

Joedese aint gra  howya say   dese aint gratu tu   sighed concentratimngeyes narrowing  dese  aint  gratuities 
Dey huge titties

  he laughed  
               An I can honestly say no one has ever offered me such large gratuities before  I am humbled

bright eyes smiled real big  she seemed pleased      

turning back to the ringleader to finish their transaction he said Shes very thoughtful

And Im embarrassed

Dont be  Shes inebriated  Id love to see her expression when you tell her tomorrow

Oh shell hear it tomorrow

Ive no doubt  Best friendsbosom buddies  Ive no doubt

            

2333,  Saturday,  13  1. 18

1246,  Thursday,  18  1. 18

yaintnoappleseed

he took her web when she last disappeared  after she reappearedmissing for several weeks an returned missing her foremost two left legs

appleseed lived in it for more than a year which boggled his mind 

she maintained it

it was immaculate

he found her ditched mummies laying on the countertop of the washbasin  

her immaculate informed his  

yaintnoappleseed as he called this clown  clambered in one day ran off a smaller spider an seemed content in its dissembling squalor

he couldnt imagine any selfrespecting spider wouldnt provide a minimal due diligence  the gaping holes an fraying hadnt the integrity to trap let alone hold a soul                                          

though sooner or later one way or another hed depart 

he wouldnt take any action against him

it was just a matter of time

he missed appleseed

he particularly missed her when he took hot baths in the evening under candlelight

she was intrigued with the flickering flame 

often he watched her descend from the web an stalk the candle  then withdrawing when she must have felt its heat

shed take her sweet time climbing back up to her corner asif she had been ambling out for a casual stroll

then she had fun articulating her legs throwing odd shadows on the ceiling

he didnt imagine that

thats the way she was

the way it was

evening,  January 7th or 8th,  2018

1822,  Monday,  15  1. 18

Barbra Streisand  The Way We Were  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJjVlEG8WHM

fake boobs riled him

but he was tryinghe really was  trying very hard to put himself in their bras an jiggle for awhile but they dont jiggle 

no they dont must be jelly cuz jam dont shake like that

his friend Sean augmented herself

they apparently fulfilled something in her that needed filling

nothing that he saw or could imagine

but he wasnt her 

shes a smart woman a fit woman a woman young girls could model themselves after

though after her augmentation he bit his tonguewithdrew that young girls might hold her up as a model

those facets  he didnt think ought to be idolised  

frankly what riled himput him at odds with Sean was that they were unnatural 

he realised the argument could be made that he grew up when plastic surgery wasnt coveted  its reason for being then was to correctas best it couldto moderate disfigurements of misfortunate birth defects or horrible wounds received in fires car crashes accidents  or war

those exacted a reason for noble plastic surgeries

moneyed narcissismthat had to be the word for it  isnt noble 

catering  isnt noble

he also realised the argument  Its my money Its my body I can do with it whatever I want

Yes
    he however didnt have to respect their choices an he didnt have to be quiet about them either if he was provoked

artificiality is not superficial 

beauty is not skin deep

 

there is no such thing as a single artifice or a single flaw to any person

1337,  Friday,  12  1. 18
1205,  Monday,  15  1. 18

Glenn Miller Orchestra  It Must Be Jelly  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRwt2DawLkM

Jill Scott  Gettin’ in the Way  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RALIqun26tg

                                     . . follow the bird . . .   or follow the bird  conundrum

he crossed Traffic Way just west of DePalma who showed so much promise Scarface Body Double then quietly evaporated in the curling miasma of fickled entertainment press an that what cannibal Hollywood is about

it was a T-intersection DePalma commencing north off Traffic

one bird  one bird strutted down the hill DePalma was

the strut invariably caught his eyeshe wore a short flowerpatterned dress closed to her throat  her legs madeup the difference  greaved in brown laced leather boots to her knees  to her shapely thighs

she wore a casual shelby at the back of her head  under it shimmered sunstruck auburn hair that hung in carelessly curls an bounced with her steps asif DePalma was her personal catwalk

at the intersection she turned left sharply away from him  his heart lurchedwanted to follow  damn beast

he denied his blood  though he didnt mind  she could walk away from him any old damn time

as her hips wenther dress flipped more thigh

                                             he would miss her when he walked past their parallel while simultaneously
the other bird  the other bird  a huge hawk circled them 

he spied its shadows blackflash streak the street  hed have had to become some walleyed muthafucker monster inthemoment to see them both then the spassm twitchedpassed  it forced him to dole out the few remaining seconds in time between them

he broke the unenvied plane an lost the young woman behind a sarcastic muraled wall on a building at the corner  turning his eyes up he watched the hawk cease its circulation an enter a lowering glide up Traffic Way above the woman

evidently unable to contain its beasty heart
                                             then a crown of trees obscured the hawk an they were both gone

however they left him their images sketched in fast unbroken lines on his immemorial memory    

1417,  Friday,  12  1. 18

1059,  Saturday,  13  1. 18

Paul Revere and the Raiders  Hungry  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iY4rIFc3JVA

Lynyrd Skynyrd  FreeBird  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=np0solnL1XY