4.12.17




das geheimnisse

            doesnt that look suggest  sound far more innarestin  appealin  than its Anglosaxonised (miserable) word  secrets
          secretes    one way secrets get outbecome known 



she led

he followed

she didnt say she knew where she was going  without a word she abruptly turned her back on him an walked away  she ignored him as he called to her
                            he nearly didnt follow her

there were times in the past he didnt
                              then she was agitated more than now
an without a reason to finger he was compelled                                                                              
one might call it a gut feeling

yet this was to a man who hadnt anything he described as a gut feeling or . . .  ah yes  intuition  he left his intuition theirs up to her
it wasnt a cop out
                   if you dont have thumbs you dont stand along a highway trying to thumb a ride


she walked away

she was obviously disturbed

he went after herhe had no choice compelled
                                      what is compulsion?  guilt  ignorance  regret . . .   fear

he followed behind her  maybe thirty thirtythree steps
when she took a corner rounding it he found she hadnt altered her cadence
her lead remained the same
he walked heavily
she was probably aware he was following her
she wasnt deaf


the sky was troubled 

it twisted fretfully an darkened 

one might say it threatened rain

she didnt lookup

she kept her head bent forwardeyes on the ground 

he saw it   

the sky wasnt threatening

it was a done dealjust a matter of when

when the rain came it wept softly   miserably
cold

it made his shoulder ache        

she hunched her shouldersshook her sleeves down over her hands then her hands into her armpits 

she looked neither left or right at the buildingsnot the warmlighted businesses for refuge

the streets looked greased

cars slitheredanhissed

the sky grew darker angrier 

the rain whispered  


the weather  her lead  irritated him

yet he kept pace an followed



then ahead over her he saw a bricked warehouse appear loom out of the pall

nearly imperceptibly she lifted her head upit fell again

her pace quickenedher heels sharper at the pavement

he spedup his pacehis weight disappearing out of his steps  closed their distance
she couldnt hear him now
he wouldnt let her

she walked through a broken gate in a tall chainlinked fence at its perimeterup the cracked an weedsplit walk to a threestepped greenmould concrete stoop 

a pair of dilapidated glasspaned doors were ajar 

she sidestepped between them


he was at the stoops thresholdcovered the steps in two boundsslipped between the heavy doors
he wasnt thirteen feet behind her

they entered a wide blackangreen tiled lobby strewn with brokenglass leaves sticks slips of discarded mildewed typed pages

a yawning doorway was deadcenter at the lobbys rear 

it gave onto a stairwell

she went through it an up

stairs to landings

once around the landings an up she was blind to the steps she had ascended

he followed her up four flights


there she entered a huge pillared room

tall glasspaned windows lighted it a sicklyyellow light

from where it emanated he couldnt discern 

their shadows cast about like wraiths

there were odd stacked ruined cardboard boxes an wood crates whose tops were brokeopen splintered by anglebars or clawhammers  packing shred littered the floor

she weaved her way between them  neared the dull illuminated windows

he flanked her left  his access free of debris


something long an black laid perpendicular to the windowpanes on the timber floor before her

she stopped walking

she shook the rain out of her hair

it fell on her shoulder in strands

she disrobed laid her coat blouse and long skirt on a broken crate

she wasnt wearing undergarments

she stepped forward an straddling the black object

her skin was goosefleshed

her head tilted forward held down submissively


the object moved slightly 

he watched

it wiggled

he watched

a mans head emerged from the top of it nearest the windows  his shoulders emerged  then his arms 

he grasped her legs above her boots an scooted his body on the floor positioning his head nearly between her spread legs 

a slick was evident where he dragged himself


then neither moved



he watched


the man said something he couldnt make out

she began to squat
                infuriated he sprang soundlessly like a cat at a mousechucked her with his forearmknocking her off her feet onto the floor
he turned to the bedrolled man
who seethedspit through his teeth You have no control over her an grimacing to laughbut it broke as he was snatched off the floor
An you wont either he grunted  Control  Manipulation   Damn youhe humped him up over his head an pivoted using the mans weightused his head to plow through the paned glass an heaved him into the courtyard or whatever lay below

if he screamed he didnt hear himhe had turned to her prostrate formher mewling  he walked over to her

she looked drugged

her eyes wandered the floorwandered his boots beside her head 

he knelt

he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand

her eyes lighted with his touchan who she was timidly nimbly began to suffer her  an as her awareness wound around her she grasped his hand
she began to weep  

There he said  There now  Quiet 

he slipped his coat off an sitting her up he gently wrapped her in it

she shivered

Im cold she said
              since turning her back to him Im cold spoke volumes to him inferredhe hoped that she was returning from wherever it was she had been

he scraped up packing excelsior broken bits of crate an lids an began a fire

he wrung an draped her wet coat an clothing on a tepee of upset crates


the smokes shroud exited with the warehouses exhale through the broken windowpane



the light grew stronger in her eyes


off a dream early Friday morning  1713,  Friday,  1  12. 17
1501,  Saturday,  2  12. 17

3.12.17





I read the word in Tristram Shandy  Had to look it up   Ever hear of a heteroclite

No  Ive no idea what that is

An abnormal thing or person

Ah 
    Masculine or feminine

For declension purposes

Sure  Youd thinkwouldnt you

No  I dont think my thinking figures into your thinkingthough I know exactly where youre thinking is going with
declension

Really

Dont give me thatall innocent freshfallen snow  untrod   Babe  youve been walked overwalked throughpitched  mired
Yacant play innocent with me
Really

Then let me say it so were not confusedtheres no confusion regarding how your mind works   Declension   Into masculine an feminine   We have heteroclite masculine  an heteroclit  feminine

Damn
       Youre spot on
G-spot on

Bingo man  G-spot on


1514,  Sunday,  3  12. 17

2.12.17



Pleaseplease he hoped the lilt in his voice sounded like he as begging  because he was dont ask me what I think about something youve already done  

It makes no sense 

Im in no mood to spin my wheels
Thats what youre asking me to do

Youve done it 

You decided

Why ask



sounding slightly hurt I ask  because I value your opinionit means a lot to me

Thank you However  to your decision  you shouldve called and said I just rented a studio Im really excited   Instead why the trepidationwhy dragging it outgoing over it rehashing your decision again an again

I havent an opinion  

My opinion doesnt matter


Yes it does


No  After the fact it doesnt an besides I dont wanna be part of the polling you affect 

Youre being rude
When its the truth of the matter it aint rude  Truth often hurts   Dont delude yourself

Its no ones place to tell you what you should do tell you your mind 

Striving for autonomy precludes any consideration I may or anyone may have  Im sorry that your otherwha confidantes  expressed their opinions  They aint helping matters  Their effusion muddies the waters  They should have kept their mouths shuttheir opinions to themselves  if they understand you as I understand you

he heard her breathing on the other end

You can be pissed off at me  Ill take it happily    But Im not playing


They care about me too
They dont care enough to keep their two cents to themselves  Theyre not living your life an I resent them for dabbling in it

I asked
An you shouldnt have askedwhat dont you get about autonomy  You stand on your own hindlegs quit asking for permission  or to be told to say no


You know Im working on that
Then please  work on it  

Dont ask people what they think

Dont ask me what I think



I wont play

  

1414 ErnieBanks,  Sunday,  26  11. 17
1134,  Monday,  27  11. 17