16.10.17



she damnnear knocked him off his pins
 
he cleared his throat while trying to put down the riot careening inside his skull bottlerockets ricochetingexploding a caustic riot buying him a sliver of timeenough time to size up her remarksize it up in reference to boys sixth grade boys punks  the kind of punks that when he was a kid would have been brokengot their punkness beat out of the them  adults would threaten them   but theyd get beat by schoolkids older boys  he granted his optics werent commiserate with the time  he grew up in a different time a different city  in a different social climate

when he could finally speak he barkedhis voice brokeYou said  irredeemable

I did  They are irredeemable

Theyre sixthgraders

Yes  Irredeemable sixthgraders  Make no mistake  Weve contended with them for years and cant seem to impress them or even separate them

Their parents

Their parents are moving targetstheres a parent . . 
 . . Their mothers

Yes  Mothers

And what about their fatherstheir biological fathers

Long gone  if ever present

I hear you say that with some  heaviness

Between you and I  Ive known of more spermdonors than have actually met  Or fathers   You shouldnt shake your head you really have to understand that you come to this while having been a fatheryour children having two parents committed parents  You have to be able to throw that away when regarding these boys  Those circumstances have never existed for them  Not these boys

Its harsh  But they are irredeemable


he heard her  though was still distractedremained in his head trying to tie a knot around irredeemable trying to slap down its sidelong Im-too-busy glimpse as she spoke  a glimpse now all-too-commondistraction all-too-commonpeople unable to keep their attention  far too-common

it seemed the country was languishing  insipid   growing more callous 

yet hed still argue all life was pricelessargue vociferously against those who called it cheap(their lives werent cheap  others lives were)

he argued that technology was helping assuage their beliefs  like a cheap fix 

he was offensive on purpose

he readily brandishing a fix  mainlining  skin-popping   werent people staring only into screens they wanted to see SCREAMINGscreens that upheld supported their views  But who  who was SCREAMING?

he watched the awful light play on their faces  patterned  recirculating   regurgitated 

he watched a lot of people stumblescuff their toesscrap their soles on the streets coarse uneven concrete

Aw comon he wanted to warn them  Pick up your feet while you walk


but he would 

he was liberal  

he wasnt hurt when others tried to use it as a cudgel against him warning him Thats not the hill to die on

No he replied  If not it then what hill

he had to live with himself

he knew right from wrongwhat was true  he couldnt help but do what was right  he couldnt subvert it

he conceded people had their reasons  that they wouldnt concede a damn thing was one of them

Hear ye! Hear ye! irredeemable Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Moms and Dads! Step right up! Step right this way!he was a carnival barker wearing a garish red-an-white striped suit Step on up! Step right this way! he had a long black cane that he used when irredeemable pushers greedy to be first in line tried to get ahead of the resthe stuck it in the middle of their chests and shoved them back hardNotsofast! Not  so  fast! You have to wait your turn Allingoodtime Wait your turn an all in good time boys! and when shoving them back didnt belay them he cracked them on the sides of their thick bony skulls irredeemable  sounded like empty gourd Stepbackboys Step back! You have to wait your turn an ifn you cantifn you wont Ill take this cane here and smash yer skulls till theres eggyolk everywhere Hear ye! Hear ye! Step right up! Step right up!

All in good time boys!


All  in  good  time!  
he hoped he wasnt becoming immune


2300,  Sunday,  8  10. 17
1521,  Twosday,  10  10. 17
Emerson Lake and Palmer  Welcome Back My Friends  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VsifANR96s
 

15.10.17



youd have to be blind not to see her comingnot to see that in two yearsthree at most shed come hard into the flower of her youth a hothouse flower sumptuous soft petals sturdy stem copious leaves  she was going to be a devastating beauty(he hoped her mind kept up)


provocative startling brightblue eyes

                              she zapped him back to his youth
a ramshackle peeling greenpainted house near the Northwestern railroad tracks  fivesix stairs going up no banister
a hardedged porch no railing her old man said Without em easier to lose unwanted people
brightblue eyes himself
cantankerous

his daughter was her mothers spitting image

her mother was her fathers bane

her mother cuckolded him

in his own bed

she didnt even bother to wash the sheets

he crawled into bed at its foot

crept up between her spread legs

she glistened

he thought she was wet for him

she leaked

leaked a stink that wasnt his

he stopped crawling between the handsome balls of her kneesher shapely legs

he got up on his knees

she started to laugh

he slapped the outside of her knee 
they banged together
she squealed OUCH it hurt it didnt hurt
You fuckin tramp

Awbaby dont be like that  she held her left hand out towards him the gold on her finger flashed in the faltering sunlight Im your fuckin tramp
she laughed Your fuckin tramp
Its funnyits funny you know  you know I love to fuckI love me dick  Awbaby I must be a slave to my passion
her laughter rocked her
she kicked her right leg off the beddropped her left hand between her legs and began fingering herself Anif you dont wanna fuck Ill fuck myself

that sundown six years earlier was the last time he fucked his wife

Awbaby yeah fuck mebaby ohyeah you take such good care ahmy baby
he thought she was talking about her pussy

the next evening after work he went into the kitchen his daughter was at the table doing her homework  Wheres your mother honey

I dont know Daddy she wasnt here when I got home from school

Your homework going wellNeed any help

Almost done Daddy

Yeah Youre a smart girl baby scary how smart you are Youll excuse me  he backed out of the kitchen and went up the stairs to his bedroom at the top of the stairs

the door was closed

he gave it a rap 

then he pushed it open


she was gone



the bed was unmade


dresserdrawers were wideopen


closet door was wideopen


clothes were gone







Excuse me he said I dont mean to be presumptuous or rude May I ask you how old you are

Im thirteen

Thirteen

Yes

I thought as much You remind me of someone I knew when I was about your agea year older


Whats her name

Terrible I cant remember her name  For my life I cant remember her namean Ive been puzzling over it some weeks now an thats why frankly you startled mereminded me of her  yet again

I should be ashamed I cant remember her name


Do you think she remembers yours

I dont know I think we remember each other for something other than our names

Ahexcuse me she said she stuck her hand out towards him My name is Guiwenneth

he took her hand she had a firm grip unafraid they shook I imagine never a Gwen

Never

Guiwenneth A pleasure to meet you my names Joe

Well look at that

Excuse me

You remembered my name

Youre funny Ill remember her name eventually
I will


1615,  Thursday,  12  10.17
1129,  Friday  13  10. 17