he saw it rising in her facedarkening her featuresdimming her eyes  a shade a blind closing inside of her  and outside of her her body hyperventilating sucking air preparing to go under unsure if it could possibly hold its breath long enoughlong enough to emerge from the surface that was closing over her head 

she looked into his eyes  frightened   he held out his hand to her    her eyes turned fierce  resentful  she slapped his hand aside You miserable cuntyou like to think you know what this is  I ought to die and leave you with the horror of not knowingWouldnt like that would youNot that I was deadyoull go ongo ahead survive like you did before  but just so you wouldnt knowcouldnt know definitively  for certain                                                                   

he lifted his hand to her again  Take hold of my handlove

Hold your handIf I wont hold your cock why would I hold your slimy hand

Take my hand   Take my hand so you know Im hereI wont let go  I can be your rope  Ill hold you  I wont let go

You miserable CUNT!

when things seem to make no sense at all   they make most sense

when she woke early the following morningin the darkin their bed   she couldnt help wonder if it was the next morning or the morning following that  what morning 

he was holding her  

he held her hand in hishis thumb hooked and locked with hers  her thumb was lax extended

Hey
he spoke

Are you awakewaking up

I  think . . I think I am

Good morningbaby

Would you let go of meI have to go to the bathroom

he lessened his gripthe steel going out of his muscles  faintly she thought she heard a jail door lock release

he rolled off his side onto his back

he didnt like to lay on his lefthe had too many shoulder surgeries  it stiffened up on him

there was swelling on his face

had she hit him againslammed the back of her head into him

she acted like she didnt see

she had to pee

she closed the bathroom door turned on the fan

she walked over to the window and saw the handle of the Big Dipper still above the horizon

she turned to the sinkran the cold water tapshe didnt brush her hair aside  she cupped her hand under the water and sippedguzzled thirstily from it

she stood upright 

her hair dripped on her t-shirthis t-shirt  he had taken her out of her clothes slipped his oversize t-shirt on her a pair of boxer over her hips

she had to pee

the toilet seat was down

she never knew a time when he hadnt put the toilet seat downnot ever

she peed long and hard

her sound covered her weeping and sniffles

she put her hair into her mouth to gag her from betraying her tears

it had been one more time 

she realised itanother time on top of anotheran another    on top of another

she couldnt stop them

Maybe you cant stop them now  but you know them now    You didnt know them before    Thatlove is progress
the beginning  baby steps

Its not happening fast enough

Hey 

    As a babe it took me two years to walk  All in due timein the time you need    All in the time that you need
This isnt magic

What did he say  what did he say that irritated her    Yes  He absolutely bitched her   she recalled  Its the darkest just before the dawn

Can you refute that

she couldnt 

she despisedshe hated his calm his patience   If he would just come unhooked 

I wontI cant  I did   You remember she did   If I come undone once more  theres no going backtheres no us

she remembered

she couldnt restrain him

she hadnt the strength he had now 

                            he could hold her fiercely  gently

how did he find solace in when things seem to make no sense at all  they made most sense

how couldhow did he make sensesee sense in her daft crazed   her chaos

I love you  maybe because I can see you objectively   I know your hard lessons and fortunately for youan me Im a quick study

You dont mean your violence  Your violence is a reaction of your confusionyour stressit makes perfect sense 

Curiously  Ive learned to turn my cheek

Thats funny she said Cant imagine you finding Gawd

I havent  Im repurposing quotes   Im damn sure they stole them from someone else   Im tweaking them to serve my purpose  And you are my purpose

Its darkest before the dawn

When things seem to make no sense at all they made the most sense

she shook her head  she was either in love with someone who had their shit together or who was a saint

she kept that to herself

1432, Friday,  29  9. 17

0137, Saturday,  30  9. 17

Three Dog Night  Circle for a Landing  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiYEYL5aWpU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7Mmu66buMA 
sins a good mans brother

Im my brothers brother

hes mine

        and if the murder we almost committedto be fair  murders  were left out neither of us might be able to wear either tag  Good or Sin

if his brother killed that Harwood Heights molochfuck on that bizarre South Pacific themed back porchwhaddafuck it was Chicago  at someones house  it was a partythey went to parties all the time without a clue who lived at the house  it was a party  thats the purpose of a party  but you get an inkling when youve crossed some unseen linecrossed over into someone elses  turf(still the best terminology)  had his brother killed himran him through with that tribal spear he snatched off the greenpainted faux grassmat wall we would haveI would havehe would have had to dispatch his other three buddies too  youd be stupid to leave loose tongues common sense  Cagneys Tom Powers Public Enemy wouldnt have

it began as a fair fight two on four  when youre incensed whos thinking oddsyou can only hear yourself called a nigger so many times in a night before you take insultumbrage you wanna correct them say youre Polacks not niggers that niggers would be insulted being called Polacks Yamight wanna get your fuckin slander right  Cunts
                                                                               and why those two idiots preceded ahead of him down the back concrete steps into the black unlit yard with the third jamoke looseygoosey behind himtoo up in his headtoo fucking confident of their numbers was beyond him  they werent a couplethree steps down out the back door when he hammered the one behind him in the nuts with his elbowthen snatching the handrails to either side reared up and stomped the one below him in the back of the headlegit combat boots steeltoed shank soles who dumpedhe believed unconscious into the one in front of him pitching them both headlong down the frosty concrete  they made gruesome sounds as they floppeddescended

turning back up the stairshis brother was embroiled with the fuck on the backporch he stomped the jamoke who was too concerned about his balls to protect his head  then yanked him off his back and pitched him after his buddies who were heapedwrithing on the apron below

the fight on the porch was vicious  he didnt know who picked up something first to use it against the otherusually that was who was taking the brunt of the beatingwho felt losing a fistfight was belittling  hey someone wins someone loses  theres no belittlement in thatyou hone your game and come back for the next time  ifyad like

the Harwood Heights kid swung wildlysomething in his hand he missed lost his balance spun around and fell on his face his back to his brother and in one stunning motion his brother snatched a spear off the painted brickwallstraddled the kid and raised it over his headclutched in both handsBOB!STOP!  STOP!  even as he screamed he wondered if his brother would hear him from where he was in his headhis face distortedgrimacing smeared in blooda fierce Maorian bugeyed curledtongue countenance   Harwood Heights was worth only three syllables  his brother trembled violently  the kid wormed over onto his back  which might have been what saved himhis brother could see his facesee his eyes  Harwood screamedflung his arms uparms useless against a thrust of steel  his brother screamedspun left facing the wall and hurled the spear lengthwise against it  before it ricocheted off the wall and clattered down onto the upset sofa Hardwood crawled on his heels and elbows out from under his brother turned over found his feet and sped to the backdoor  he stepped aside letting him flee  Harwood slipped on the concrete and flopped horribly between the brick railingson the steps to the three bodies tremblingheaped below  there had to be ugly wounds down there

he grabbed his brother who had gone slackgone off somewhere in his head by his tattered flannel shirt he yanked him back into the house and through it to escape out the front door between people who were partyingstoned drunk too caught up in themselves to see them in the low lightjust two guys pushing their way out and going through the darkened doorway  they didnt know them from Adam   likewise   

the party wasnt their best idea

2311,  Saturday,  30  9. 17

1215,  Sunday,  1  10. 17

Grand Funk Railroad  Sin’s a Good Man’s Brother