when he went outside into his
yard the very first thing he always did was to acknowledge his plants
he wouldnt have them suffer him
as he suffered the people he rode the bus into work among who either werent
morning people(why accept a morning job) or embittered by one unnamed
thing or another that he didnt know and that he hadnt any intentions of asking
about
he preferred they remain unnamed
he never asked a soul How are you
because he understood if he
tendered it innocently
asked it unsolicited
its
asking made one culpable to the sincerity implied
and then brother . . . the shits on you . . . if you didnt mean it you
should never have asked you should have kept your trap shut(Why do you think
they call it a trap) kept your mouth your two-cents to yourself
you stepped in it brother
now sit back
shaddup
and listen
and you better listen well because
theres builtin landmines and clusterfuck bombs
youre teed up for questions to
fullfill the conversation fullfill your engagement your black-and-blue obligation
eidget I trust youll Learn your lesson
but if youre unwiilling to adapt
to the pedagogy you were forced to acquire unwilling to exhibit or demonstrate
your social graces . . . you have no other choice than be Rude . . . stop them
before they get on a roll . . . and rolling itll be because you opened the
door(unsolicited!) to talk about the one subject theyre PhDs about experts
substantial and confirmed . . . to talk about themselves
if youre unwilling youre gonna
have to lean back out of that generous space and bubble of profound shared
intimacy(it confounded him the leechlike want not to be cautiously secretive or
retain some scant notion of ones anonymity) – this shits Real – it aint produced
and directed vapid horseshit Reality (or maybe it is maybe it is lies or is deluded
or is bitterly selfish – how would you know you wouldnt because youre
strangers)(then his mothers voice enters the back of his head How do you think
you get to know people You share stories You inquiry of them to learn if you
have or share a commonality Relationships are based on equal risk Both willing
to put themselves out there)(Shaddup mother!) Ohyeah Out there
THEYRE OUT THERE
Hell Im out there
unwilling
you have to be Honest Terse
Rude
lean back out and away from that
intimacy
having sized up their Reach
out of swinging distance
you
have admit you were only being polite you didnt truly want to hear How they
were
You
asked superficially
Rhetorically
All I meant was to greet you
politely
if there is pushback on your
honesty then what you got is Truly I dont
care how you are
dont salt it by saying And you
dont have to care how I am
theres no sense handing them a knife
to wound you
if they want let them find their
own
---
all that occurred to him as he went down the three wooden steps off the
porch onto a concrete stoop at the edge of the lawn was what his plants thought
about him
thats what he cared about
he devised looping circuits in the
upper yard lower yard and backyard to walk so his plants wouldnt feel slighted
and each would realise he sought to pay them individual attention
they all had their turn at being
first or second or third and on and on
they were never always last or
neglected
each had a pet name and each name
was based either on their personality or physicality
on windless days – had someone
stopped to watch – theyd see the plants nod to him as he approached them
to each he had something to say
he obliged himself
remembering while he was in school and due to
the latent letter of his last name he was virtually always the last pupil
attended to and always sat at the back of the class as if his teachers followed
some unwritten diasporic rule and always went alphabetically through the class
list
they certainly administered his
expectations of their strict devoted adherence to curriculum
except one
a freshly-minted first-year freshman
English teacher just cutting her teeth
between them they turned his
prior experience on its head and he flourished under her attention
the Administration refused to extend
her contract to the following year
they discovered their teacher-student
collusion how they bent the rules as far as they could tortured them without
breaking them and had gone outside the norm to educate him
succeeding she somehow exceeded her authority
that was the hard line they
desperately couldnt afford her to redrawn
they informed her she was better
suited elsewhere
hopefully there she would learn
to get-along and succeed become an avid team member
he thought their repression was ridiculous
not every pony had to be saddled
every peg had to fit inside a square hole
conformity shouldnt be cherished
but conformity is a
rubber-stamp
certainly they must see that
understand that
Certainly they echoed
his sophomore year was bitter and in it looking forward he saw that every year would be as bitter or worse because they werent changing
and neither was he
while trench warfare and siege
mentality were harbingers of a failed time they remained strategic options
stubborn archaic options
despite their intellect to
recognise that each dug in and howling raised their nascent flags of animosity there would be no way forward
that wasnt tainted
he relished his plants
he was devoted to them
it would have been nice not to
have fought his way to here
but then likely he wouldnt have
been there
Huh
Whaatrouble*
1306, Sunday,
12 6. 16
0518, Thursday, 16
6. 16
* Jeremiah Johnson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95ND_fwX2fM
