9.11.15

indieanbigfoot



                                                                                            he had one inside for years    now he had one outofdoors
they matched up acutely to his own Jekyll and Hyde
his contained Jagoff  socially ascribed
                                                                and his Hidden  his rawer Indomitable
which he preferred more and it keener to his soul


inside was indie

outofdoors was bigfoot


both were born feral

and maybe or maybe not indie was getting the better shake


he had never been kept

though one would be lame not to recognise there were certain benefits and comforts afforded being kept
 

indie was indie because of his stumbling independence to be separate from the rest of his litter  now only another brother survived

bigfoot
            well  he was tagged bigfoot for his heavy bump bump bump footfalls as he ran across the porch one side to the other to eat from a tin pan he set out for him



bigfoot had been lurking in the sparse grass and weed field across the dirt and gravel road from his place
 
it was strung with barbedwire  faded wood signs warned of trespassing
 
it seemed foreboding as most desolate or ramshackle places and lots do 
 
but thats where they took rabbits and squirrels out of  them grown fat on acorns fallen in a stand of oaks at the back of the property unseen from the road
 
bigfoot had additional benefits  gobbling mice gophers and slow beadyeyed birds



he had to admit to himself he was a little surprised that the mutt took to the store-bought kibble he purchased on a whim
 
he understood the why of the china bowl of clean water  fresh in the sunlight cool from the pump  hell  good water tempted him



together  one dusk  one sunset evening  they reached a tentative truce
  

it was apparent the lug was mistreated  he had a broken tail  a piece of his ear gone    so when he put food down he sat on the steps within six feet of it to suggest a kinship   a relationship of the food and himself
  
one not existing without the other
 
  
over time bigfoot let go of some of his skittishness  though he always ate facing him   and over time  after feeding
on occasion bigfoot wandered over and sat near him licking his chops

during all these  over times  he talked to him called him bigfoot talked to him in the manner he thought it would be nice if people talked to one another again  together  easy pleasant conversation  no gawddamn fones or interfacing on laptops  no dark news or crap or current pop culture
 
he talked softly to bigfoot  letting his voice doing the petting

that sunset bigfoot dropped next to his hip as he had many times  too curmudgeonly to purr  and groomed his front paws  the size of a four year olds hands

bigfoot  it was a righteous name

talking  he slowly extended his least dominate hand (he was ambidextrous) to the beast and wasnt terribly surprised when in midlick bigfoot lunged mouthed his hand fiercely and four pawed the whole of his forearm his hind legs tines
at the vein on the inside of his elbow


there were thin scratches  not too deep   blood beading
 
his ears were drawn back

lips curled


but his arm wasnt shredded
  
bigfoots teeth hadnt punctured his hand


he kept right on talking to him  telling him how good it was bigfoot recognised he wasnt threatening him and how he neatly responded  in equitable measured force  while confronting an imagined threat 
 
he talked to bigfoot about imagination and action  their differences  the impotency of thought  the reality or actuality
of that thought enforced


after talking for several minutes he asked bigfoot if he could please have his arm and hand back and how fortunate
they were they had brooked an understanding  beast to beast  eye to eye

bigfoot allowed him to disengage his hind claws with his free hand
 
then with another quick mindful mouthing bigfoot suddenly released the whole of his arm rolled off to a side and tensed up on all fours to either attack or flee


he remained seated  innocuously rubbed his arm
 
he conceded or confided bigfoot his intellect of knowing not to bite the hand that fed him  particularly as it is a passive hand  offering charity  a charity given without expecting anything in return  except perhaps  friendship

then he excused himself saying as he stood  Youre a fine boy bigfoot  I am grateful you thought to leave me my hand and arm intact

he walked past him slowly telling him  Ill see you again in the morning bigfoot



inside indie waited his turn

after scrubbing his arm and hand with soap and water  softy padding it dry  he took indie his food and fresh water

indie was quite taken with the scent on his arm as he set the food down

so he stood bent at the waist and let indie explore sniff his hand and forearm  when he took a knee because indies curiosity wasnt abating  indie put his forepaws to his shoulder smelling the inside of his elbow and up his bicep

when he was satisfied indie looked him in full in the face  nearly an accusation    indeed  a confirmation
perhaps Galatians 6:7   Be not deceived  indie is not mocked  that whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap


indie needed to get out some

but he hadnt realised in a very long time the kind of acumen or grace necessary in the real world

laughing  he cut him some slack 


and as he ate indie  never curmudgeonly  provided grateful purrs           
          
    

1616,  Sunday,  8  11. 15
0115,  Monday,  9  11. 15

7.11.15



There was something in the corner of his eye his left that he couldnt catch up with              try as he may

a rolling  flickering  a neon kind of light that he couldnt heel or bring into focus
    
it ran  an undulating wave  escaping off to his left

he could swing his eyes right  yank it over  but trying to look it it avoided him like a serpent  a desert sidewinder writhing across the face of a sand dune
                                                                  without leaving a trail
they were colored lights  soft Christmas lights  sly  indistinct  hinting    in it he glimpsed reds greens yellows blues
he could not say they had any order  if there was order  or which burned brighter  ameliorated   or waned dull

he sat in an office swivel chair 
  
the strand ran round and round and around across the face of the four white walls containing him
  
he would have looked like an idiot following it if anyone saw him   but it was lunch   his coworkers always went out  they never brought theirs to work

they invited him out

he declined saying Ive got mine right here  slapping a brown sack

they thought he was cheap

he didnt think frugal and cheap were the same

besides  the food he brought the thermoses of cold milk and black coffee never permeated the air with the odors they returned wearing or caused his belly to twist in knots or give him the shits or he wasnt at the work the next day because wrecked by food poisoning   and the food poisoning excused because it was an inherent risk one ran when they ate out

his coworkers thought he was kidding when he said if he ate out and his belly went bad because of the food that hed return to the restaurant and shit in their entrance

No
  
he wasnt kidding


he gave what he got



he wished he could reconstruct what it was that he did to incur this wraith crawling at the edge of his vision  roiling at his peripheral like something stuck in his teeth that he couldnt get out with the tip his tongue and didnt have a toothpick hed have to dig at with the nail of his small finger and if that failed bite and tear a fingernail off hold it between his fingers and work at the clinging shred of meat or celery fiber as he leaned forward low in his cubicle acting as if he lost something on the floor dropped a pen slips of paper
hed readily have some excuse at hand

he was usually ahead of things

what he was never ahead of was the office politics gossip  its tawdry Peyton Placesque suspense

he went there to work

a straitlaced motherfucker

a days pay for a days work

and the company made out on him because few worked as hard as he did or were as focussed

except today


and this fucking wiggling  wiggling    wiggling

even closing his eyes

it ran haplessly in the dark like an escaping shadow  uncolored




after the strobe

the flatline 

the lightning departed

it rolled left and kept on going

he recognised before it went that if he stared straight ahead    it twitched and bitched
distractions dont like being ignored 
 
                                                          perhaps it opted out 
though he thought  more likely  it dissipated  he couldnt know  he could only surmise

he opted out

he quit looking

quit the voyeurism that it had enticed



and when a voyeur quits looking a flasher quits flashing



whatever it was

it was gone

his last thought about it was that he hoped the door really cracked it on the ass as it left  sound enough to have broken its tailbone or loudly snap its elastic backbone

he didnt figure that would be asking too much

not for the lunchtime it cost him his empty belly the mild nausea it induced


after it ran off  or eroded  he recognised something odd about himself

he looked at his foot  his hand  his arm up to where it disappeared into his short sleeve


they werent his

they looked like his  fleshy  muscled

but they were nothing more than appendages one might find in a dimestore or a cheap garment outlet
pieces of a manikin 

they were his color and complexion  fascinating  looked exactly like his own 
 
but were utterly detached of his person

he couldnt make them move


disgustingly  he was tempted to finger his straight razor with his remaining hand and slice them to see if they bled
or if he could feel the thin metal pain after the blade passed

he kept it stropped and wicked  prepared  if he had to use it

he didnt want anyone to know they were cut 
until after he was away

he didnt want to hear their abrupt ejaculate Whaddafuck! Am I bleeding?! 


And out of the corner of their eyes 
                                                         ribbons of blood coiled or jagged on the dull linoleum
or a thirsty concrete walk



1324,  Friday, and again after 1600 sitting with bigfoot on the porch,  6  11. 15