25.10.14



This clown working beside him never kept his mouth shut

he couldnt say the number of times he stopped  leaned on his shovel  and looked him 
straight in the face
imagining   he bludgeoned him with it

the sweet arc of that long woodhandled spade coming around and cracking him on the
back of his skull
putting one of them out of their misery



the imagining refreshed him
turned on a vivid white noise in his head
drowning out the clowns Whites right White Race RushLimbo-inspired gobbling in his
ears

saying he was snarky would be a compliment



he was a young man
and still
he couldnt imagine how hed gotten this far

working with small crews would help
 
as he did  so he wouldnt have to listen the horseshit bigger businesses plied

small businesses needed someone they could count on to show work their hours and
pickup their paychecks Friday night
if you could conscientiously oblige them day in day out week in week out
didnt cheat them
or they cheat you
it usually worked out nicely

it worked out nice  inevitably
until you asked for a raise



--   You really want to go ahead and ruin this deal

--   No  I really want a larger portion of what youre making off my labor

Or you can show me your billings or estimates and prove me wrong

--   When I worked for a man I never asked for a raise  And I appreciated my raise when
I earned it

--   See many raises


--


--   No  You didnt  And thats you  I simply want more of the money you make on me

Lets not be greedy you dont have a man in the field that outworks me
You have me work alone because no one else you have can keep up with me
You toss me an occasion lackey and in a couple of weeks hes gone too
Still works for you
But with someone else  on another crew

These men talk worse than senile old ladies
Your men



and the next Friday
he would ask his worth on a Friday
hed have his raise

and disregarding their sneer  hed thank them as if the raise had been their idea all 
along

some of them even came away from the raise saying it was their idea

theyd coopt it


 
but the following year
--   You really want to ruin this deal

he often wondered if they had bad short-term or long-term memory

he remembered no matter which they conferred the end of their spectrum





--   Yup  Ey knows wha eym talkin bout

--   I wished you worked as hard as you talked
If that spade youre holding would throw half as much dirt as your mouth this trench 
would have been cut a day ago

--   Ey talks becuz ya nevar does

--   No  I aint paid to talk

--   Then ya can listens

--   I aint paid to listen either

--   Eys sayin true things  How can ya not listens to true things

--   Your true things smack of lies  as I understand the truth of your things

--   Ma true things are true  Honest-to-Goddess
he put the back of his dirty hand to his mouth to muffle a snort

--   Honest-to-Goddess

--   Fuckin A

--   Because a feminine god a womanly god  would attest to your lies
Or  theyre lies  and you wouldnt have an Honest-to-God support them


And I dont think youd jeopardise your White Faith

Youre too weak to stand alone Honest-to-God

--   Wha

--   You understand me
Im done working with you 
Ill finish the trench on my own faster than with you

So roll back into town Stop at Weeds Likely hell put you on another crew tomorrow

And if he asks what transpired out here
and you lie
Honest-to-Your-God  Ill hear about it and well have our own Day of Reckoning


 
Mothwings and all



he went back to his spade
his back to the clown
and watched his shadow on the dirt  late in the day  long shadows

he was pretty sure he had the cut of his cloth but sometimes people  as people do   
surprise you



he almost dug his way beyond his the shadow before it moved silently away towards
his truck parked under the trees

so silent  he could hear fallen leaves break under his boots
 

Silence  was probably the best partner hed ever have




the raucous old shakin half-ton marred it

but give it a minute and itd be back

                                                             
Honest-to-Goddess
what a clown
 


0051,  Friday,  24  10. 14

24.10.14



He didnt know if there was much to say

any longer

or if he would just be wasting his breath

 
hed already blown up coloured toy balloons for their tryst

not that she had an inkling what a tryst was
or if anyone she knew would

he just wanted the moment to stand out in memory  like coloured Exclamation Points
like earlier Days of Promise

though  had he thought it through more clear-eyed
(but really  who would  when they were up to their eyeballs in it and it felt
fantastic
it felt utterly right
and they felt they were due when so much of the time leading to this Moment had been
in harness pulling a plow over unbroken rocky ground
why the struggle
a fistfight one found themselves in
and when one more blow to the head would have knocked them out  senseless
but they landed theirs first

mystifying)


he couldnt have been more clear-eyed




she thought they were pretty

the balloons

she thought he went through an awful lot of trouble

how thoughtful

it certainly was odd timing and short notice for him to ask her to join him

what was it



--   I thought the balloons looked lonely and dull in their cellophane packages
I thought
in the sunlight
in the fresh air
filled up
                                                                                                              
they might brighten your day


--   I think they have brightened your day up considerable more

--   Yes
                                                                 
I believe youre right


--   And 
                                                                                               
--   Nothing


--   This is awkward

--   Yes
A little awkward
Perhaps a raw awkwardness



I had just thought you might enjoy them     more

--   I did say I thought they were pretty  And thoughtful

--   You did
and he smiled
--   There  I like it when you smile  Youre brighter for it


--   Thank you  As I said nothing urgent   I just thought you might like to see them 
They do nicely to color a day
Any day

--   Youre weird

--   And you like that about me

--   I do

--   Fine  And Im glad you do

Youre off
--   I am

I told my family I had a little sidetrack to make


the water running below them in the creek under fig trees began to sound louder

and Louder


--   I shant keep you then
Offer them please my best

--   Oh thank you  I will


Are you okay

--   I am  I am getting better by the moment
he smiled

--   I do love your smile


0010,  Thursday,  23  10. 14