It was utterly terrible and claustrophobic when things became lodged in his head 

skewed or turned sidewise

captured either by fastidious fingering neurons or logjammed  tweaked by extraneous

fiber splinters gnarly bark or snagged on shattered limbs

                                                                    maybe it wasnt a hard physical manifestation

maybe it was chemical

surreptitious  a thickening clotting or oozing               malignantly syruptitious

though not truly malignant  only in the sense that his processes werent freeflowing  

harbored in brackish backwaters and washes

tepid

dammed

scarcely swelling at or drooling from the lip where its forms may have cured impatiently

imperfectly

the aggregates failing to rise

or worked

creamed  too fine and frail

it reminded him of the Everglades  its mangroves knotty roots cluttered with organic and

inorganic debris 

odd  small spinning whirlpools

then dissipating

it reminded him of the Tennessee Valley Authority  all the abandoned small towns and

hamlets rotting underwater

their stories held down

submerged 

undiscovered graves

--   Somewhars here about

their bodies and Histories unexhumed

 

                                 just because they couldnt be seen didnt mean they werent there

all this varied unrelenting aching
  

something had best give way soon before he threw himself headlong from a window

his hands stuffed into his pockets

a full pen tucked behind his ear

 

and then

leaned back

he watched a parchment of dry brown leaves cling stubbornly in a treetop

neglected now

their photosynthesis fulfilled

useless  extraneous

soon mulch

or feed for insects and grubs

                                                                                                        

or rot
 

NO  he wasnt taking kindly to the wood or calciferous stones miring his mind

1515,  Tuesday,  23  9. 14

1649,  Tuesday,  23  9. 14

Cunts

--   Well . . . that was invigorating

-- 

                                                                                                                                                     

she was brushing tears from out of her eyes  her voice hadnt caught up with her yet

it remained in the examining room where her doctor refused to look at the scholarly 

articles she had ferreted out and printed to share with him  manifestly to support her

beleaguered health  and delineate other concerns                                                                       

                                                                                        “terrorism” she called it

"you want to get it early before it metastasizes” 

 

he refused to look at them

actually

he went further than that

as she held out the first page of the paperwork she had assembled for him

                                                                   

he kept his hands in his lap  and then looked up at the ceiling

--   Arent you going to look at it

--   No  There is nothing you have I want to see

                                                                           This  from out of the mouth of a physician

. . . invigorated  was all he could allow himself

                                                                              a nonexistent unpublished snapchat

spiraling inside his head had him stand up and brain the cunt where he sat with a shot

to the temple with his fist

while he eyeballed the examining room ceiling tiles 

that kind of reaction  however  isnt socially acceptable these days

he supposed knife wounds to the doctors sidewalls werent either

but then  these were The Days of Cunts

it was the last century when he last referred to a woman in kind

but she was

she propositioned him offered him a blow job in front of her husband

and at his very proper No thank you she chided him for not having enough money to 

afford no morals

the swill that came out of her mouth

cunts walked around today and hid behind convention or four or five other cunts 

who practised their physical outrage  how to hold their mouths agape  open their eyes

Shocked  and tilting their heads to emphasize their effects in their bathroom mirrors

some  probably  in full length dressing mirrors

the bulk of Manhood had evaporated long ago

simpering  simmered away

       

                                                                                                                                                      finally  in the parking lot outside the clinic

--   I . . I have to admit that I didnt see that coming   I   am  shocked

Thoroughly

--   I could suggest you embrace it  And then recognize youll never see him again as your

doctor  Although I am dismayed for any woman now who follows you as one of his 

patients

Youve upped the ante

And any woman with a spine  or opine sorry  is not going to be well cared for

He may send them packing at the first slight he thinks he feels was implied

--   Im not off base here

he acted abysmally  didnt he

she wasnt in a place to hear him call the doctor a cunt  not a bitch either  wasnt a 

good time  or the right time  to appropriate words typically horribly used to denigrated

women

at a man

fictional snapchat

--   Sweetheart he acted like a misogynist prick

And worse

he put his arm around her shoulder

Are you okay

--   I have no words  Im dumbfounded  Shocked

--   Well  for me  Im anxious for when your shock wears off

I cant wait to hear you berate him

You know youre better off right

--   I do

I do  Im so shocked is all

I think I give doctors far too much credit

--   Theyre people babe  Just people

under his breath he thought he heard himself say Just cunts

 

1631,  Wednesday,  24  9. 14