As a girl she was nearly mystified
by
Hemingways nada parlay of The Lords Prayer in A Clean Well-Lighted Place
by her early Church
indoctrination Its inclinations
she detested it
but she found it in her
mouth
on
the tip of her tongue
by rote
so
similar to prayer "Our nada who art
in nada, nada be thy name thy kingdom nada . . ”
and then she rose from her knees
to participate in Holy Communion
she
quickly took to softly mumbling or praying it into her lace-gloved hands
the whole time thinking humored perhaps
she was getting something over on God
and then the longer she prayed
Hemingways gospel in Church
she began to think He didnt have an ear for everyone
or not everyone at the same time
then
He wasnt listening as she was instructed
He did
then
He
wasnt
the old man down the street who
sat quietly on his front porch reading books
and drinking
from a bottle he refused to hide from anyone piqued her
pouring
brown liquor amply into a squat round glass on the small table situated beside
his knee he noticed her walking with books on the crook of her arm
-- Whatcha reading girlie
she stood at the public
sidewalk along the parkway
she
didnt venture any closer
and
shuffling the books she read loudly to him their titles until the first book was
returned
to its place on top
-- You read em in dat order Favorite one on top
had she
she shuffled them again and recognized she had
-- Yes
-- Tought asmuch Did the same as a boy Loves da library I read a couple ya mentioned
But moved along
she watched him take another sip
he
ran his tongue over his lips
Ya tirin how simple dey is
-- I can read them easily
Is
that what you mean
-- Yawp
he
watched her sharply
she didnt response
Dats Whitman
“I celebrate
myself
And what I assume you shall assume
For every
atom belonging to me
as
good belongs to you”
he
took another sip from his glass
Ya knows im
-- Whitman
-- Walt Whitman
Leaves
of Grass
A colossus
-- I do not
-- Shame
Hemingway
-- I do not
-- Shame
Ya shoud move along girlie
Fraid
we aint got much to say to each other
he took up his glass between
his worked knobby fingers and ministered it with the
halfful bottle in his
other hand
she could hear the slight
gurgle of bottle as she walked away
he improbably awakened her to
Hemingway
the library refused to let her
any of his book the librarian slipping them out of her stack
and when she
questioned why she couldnt have them
the
librarian fixed her with a cynical gaze
briefly adjusted her severe glasses over her startling eyes
and
told her
-- These books are let only to adults
or your parents if you dared to mention it to them
Child you are too young to read Hemingway
piqued the librarian told her that Hemingway was inappropriate
for her to read
You are after all a young lady
-- Im not a lady she replied indignantly Im a girl
-- Worse
For then you are a girl without taste and desperately lacking etiquette
she refused to take any books
from the library
a bookseller was around the
corner from the library
she did not care for the
bookseller
she did not care for his looks
his
manner
the
way he sized her up when she entered the shop
he made an uncomfortable laugh
when he asked if he could help her with anything
--
Any old thing you need
Id be very happy to help you
she declined politely
and
walked past him as he leered at her from behind the cash register on the slightly
raised cove
she
walked into the disheveled room beyond where books were stacked pellmell on the
unswept floor
and
slipped sloppily or turned backwards between the uprights of the oddleaning
pinewood shelves
after pulling among the stacks fruitlessly
she
conceded to herself she needed his help
and
lucklessly returned to the storefront to ask the bookseller if he had any books
by Hemingway
-- Ah so the little girl likes Hemingway Like his short stories does she Up in Michigan
Whats your Hemingway little girl
-- Please
Any one would suit me
-- Depends on how much money you got
-- Not much
-- I thought so
You got a nickel for a magazine
-- I have a nickel
-- Sold
he slipped from his ladderback
chair and wandered off between the rickety shelves
back into the stores bowels
where she didnt care to go
she heard him rustling
about picking up stacks with a
grunt grappling with them
setting them
down hard cursing Goddammit Where the
hell
then
more grunting and slamming stacks down
Ah
then she heard him returning
he
emerged into the yellow light dustier than when he left
a magazine was rolled up in his hand
-- The nickel kid
she turned sideways to furtively open her small purse
Like Im gonna rob ya
she fingered her coinpurse found
the nickel snapped it shut and turned back
to him
holding it out between her fingers
holding it out between her fingers
he grabbed the nickel from her
Theres
a Hemingway in it I got books but youll
need more coins for em
Now beat it
she fled the booksellers
holding the rolledup magazine in both her hands
the old man wasnt on his porch
neither
were his books glass or bottle
she called out loud
-- Im home
as she came through the backdoor and went quickly up to her room which she
shared
with her little sister
with her little sister
she unfurled it
Scribners
Magazine March 1933
she
put the edge of it to her nose
she
could smell the bookshop the hands the
magazine had been through the cigarettes
and cigars smoked slopped liquor black coffee green potted plants and moss and
plastic kitchen tablecloths
and cigars smoked slopped liquor black coffee green potted plants and moss and
plastic kitchen tablecloths
she
could smell the oil of the delivery truck the man at dawn heaving a corded stack of
magazines to be sold on the street at a tarpapered newspaper stand
magazines to be sold on the street at a tarpapered newspaper stand
she smelled the
printing ink
inside she found Hemingways A
Clean Well-Lighted Place
it changed her
her parents believed she
changed for the worse
her
sister liked that their attention seemed riveted on her sister because it took their gaze and intentions off
of her
though
she really liked what her sister was saying
and
she soothed her after she endured their punishments for being willful
she whispered
-- Sweetheart when I get older Im going to be just
like you
she finally talked with the old
man on the porch
made
her way up his front sidewalk and sat on his stoop
his books and glass and bottle
stayed
if
he knew she was coming he combed his hair
and
had a chilled sodapop for her
in high school she reached her tipping
point
and
for her efforts she was suspended
it seemed everyone the teachers
the student body were apathetic
to the War
even the boys who were going to be drafted
-- Fine Shrug
she said while your bodies still
work
she rewrote The Pledge of
Allegiance
printed leaflets
and walked the school hallways handing
them out
everyone
who took one from her she told that it was pamphlets like these that helped
form the Nation
form the Nation
they formed it
a
pamphlet a statement at a time
School officials took away her clutch
and confiscated the others they found students holding
they burned
them in an incinerator in the basement
smoke
belched briefly
from the huge
squared chimney
a
sortie of blackash spun in the air
some feathered
down to the ground spotting the freshfallen snow or shivered and moved in the Winters
gasp and inside tight little whirlwinds of defiance
I pledge
Allegiance
to the Flag of
the
United States of
America
and to the
Repulsion
for which it
stands
a Nation under
Gag
Divided
Entitled and
Unjust
for nearly All
1622, Thursday,
7 8. 14
2258, Thursday,
7 8. 14
"Our nada who art in nada,
nada be thy name thy kingdom nada thy will be nada in nada as it is in nada.
Give us this nada our daily nada and nada us our nada as we nada our nadas and
nada us not into nada but deliver us from nada; pues nada"
